So on myspace there is this new thing you can put on your page it is were people can leave comments about what they think of you, but there is no way to tell who left them? I love it and hate it all at the same time! LOL

So that being said today was a really bad day i guess the past few weeks have not been so great! I am really down right now i am in a stage of life where i kinda feel stuck! Although i love my sweet kids so much it is hard to get out alot with four children under the age of eight!! I guess I have kinda forgotten who I am without them! I used to not be a mom! I don't really remember that but there was a time! I had Hali at 18 and by then i was working two jobs, i had not lived at mom and dads for over a year, and i was a loud, blunt, don't take no crap of nobody, do it myself, girl, who needed nothing from no one. I had done it on my own as others looked on just knowing i would fail, i may have slipped at times but i WAS STRONG! I took the world on and did it pretty well!

Now that I have four children life is much different! It is not my world! My world belongs to four other people and I do what they need not what I want! I NEED my husband !!! I could not work those two jobs if my life depended on it I would have to pay daycare for four kids? I don't have any freedom. I long to find myself again!

Life is just not in my control right now and it has really just made me sad, I don't feel so strong anymore! I do long for the days when it was me and my backbone against the world! I have felt weak latley like i am just not able to do anything on my own due to my children or the fact that i have just given up!

Now back to the myspace thing! I went online today to read my truths sent to me by others and saw this.....

I think you are the strongest person I have ever known. There is nothing that you can't do. You have a presence like no other. You demand respect, love willingly, hold no punches, and go get what you want without waiting on help bc you know you could do it better on your own. I have no doubt you can do anything and everything you want to do in life. You scare me because I know that you are not even close to the woman that you will become one day. You are a force to be reckoned with.

WOW!! Oh how i needed that! It really reminded me yes i am a mom and I DO LOVE THAT ABOUT ME, but undernieth the diapers and dishes i am still CODY "a force to be reckoned with" I don't know who left this message and i am sure they could never understand how bad i needed to hear it but boy it was great to hear i huge boost to my soul! A reminder of who i am and what i have always stood for and always will stand for strength of character, and a strong soul a heart that can be broken but pushes on through it all! ME, CODY, A MOM, STILL A STRONG PERSON!