Parents just don't understand.....

More and more each day I am learning I have four very different children. Each with their own soul and passion, each with a unique personality and will to do what they know to be the adventure of life.

Sometimes they are happy and some days they are sad some moments are filled with creativity and some with frustration, many moments in a house of six are filled with work and many with fun and imagination.

I find myself so many times as a mom embracing the moments that are filled with positive behaviors and enjoying the uniqueness of each of my children. The moments when Hali wants to do nothing but read. The moments when Meccia paints freely and creates what I believe to be a masterpiece, or when my boys Carson and Easton play pirates and sail the ship (laundry basket) around the house.

But how do we handle the moments when our children are being themselves in ways that are hard for us as parents to deal with?

When they are sleepy at four in the afternoon and its not a great time for a nap but not quite bedtime. Do we expect them to just suck it up and behave even though that is not how they are feeling at that moment, or do we just lean in to that emotion with love and be understanding with some of the behavior we wouldn't normally except, because we know it is because they are tired.
Or like when you have a strong willed child one who doesn't want to be told what to do...Do you demand they follow your every command or do you embrace that strong willed child and instead give them a few choices all of which are acceptable options and allow them to make the decision.

I am discovering every day how much I as a parent need to stop trying to turn my children into something they just simply are not. I think all to often as parents we want our children to grow up and be doctors when they may in all actuality want to grow up to be a airplane pilot or an artist or even hold your breath a stay at home mommy!

We want our three year olds to act as if they are ten...We expect perfection from inperfect children...How would you feel if people put those same expectations on you...Maybe they already do..Maybe you are stressed and feel useless and incompetent. Maybe you are longing to be your true self but feel as though you will be met with confrontation and a lack of understanding from those around you.

Is this what we are doing to our children? Maybe some of us without even realizing it?

I pray that I am a parent who shows my children support one who embraces who they are as individuals never expecting them to be or act like anything but themselves. I hope that I am a parent who shows unconditional love and one my children can count on to stnad behind them through any struggle they might face.

Cake.... a love hate relationship

So I had seen a wonderful birthday cake made by Cup Cake Couture for a friend of mine! So I went to the website and decided to give it a try against my better judgment. Not only was I amazed at how ignorant the lady was on the phone...(telling me a coconut was a tree nut) ITS NOT!!!!as we discussed my sons food allergies..I WAS ALSO SHOCKED to hear my cake would cost upwards of $80.00. I decided to take the plunge to get my three year old the Toy Story cake he had requested.

I asked the cake be blue butter cream icing with fondant rope around the bottom and top of the cake with a fondant Jesse and Woody on top. I mentioned the rope many times, as my son thinks he is a cowboy!

I agreed to pick my cake up at 10:00AM on Sat morning. I was late and didn't get to the store to pick it up until 10:45, only to find my cake was not even ready! Good thing I was late uhhh!
The lady half showed me the cake in a box and then announced as I paid she would place it in my car. I agreed.
I got in my car and began driving down the street when I looked over and noticed the butter cream on my cake was cracked and looked as if a 5 year old had put it on and I didn't see the rope I had requested...I decided to pull over to further inspect the cake! As I looked in horror at what had been my three year olds only request for his birthday I began to cry! I called Josh and he demanded I take it back.

I couldn't I was late for my own child's party and so I called them...I explained how the lady had taken the cake to my car without me really getting to see the cake, how there was no time for me to bring it back, how I was so disappointed in this cake and how it didn't even include everything I had asked for. Upon hearing my tears the manager was very apologetic she offered to mail me a gift certificate for the full amount that day. That was Jan 7th and I HAVE YET TO GET THAT GIFT CERTIFICATE!

I plan on calling cup cake couture in the morning to attempt to collect that gift card by ordering my sons Valentine cupcakes for his class party in one last attempt to let them redeem there reputation as the place to go for awesome cakes.

The only explanation I can give for the reason my friends sons cake looked awesome and mine was crap is maybe a new owner, a change in cake decorators, or management? The one thing I can assure you is the person who made her cake WAS NOT the person who made my sons cake!!!

IF AND I DO STRESS IF CCC is able to make this good with totally awesome cupcakes for my sons class I will blog about it...until then I would highly discourage anyone from spending a large chuck of cash on a cake you will be very disappointed in...I can throw couture in front of my name too that doesn't make me any better than anyone else...From what I saw it is a glorified bilo with unprofessional people working in it....

Which is better two daddy's or one?

Well as most of you know I have a daughter named Hali from my first marriage. Her daddy's name is Chad. Her other daddy's name is Josh. You see Josh and I got married when Hali was just over two years old. Shortly there after we had Meccia. As you all know when you have a new baby you start to say things like "Go to daddy" to your child even though they are really too small to say it. Well Hali picked up on the fact Josh was Meccia's daddy so she started calling Josh daddy too! I think she was so small when we married she doesn't ever remember not having two daddy's.

So with the explanation out of the way now onto the explanation.(HAHA) When Hali went to K4 she started to question why she had two daddy's and some of the other kids in her class did not. We always just gave her this answer "God loved you so much he gave you two daddy's to love you." That worked for Hali and we thought we were in the clear. We also have taught our other children who Chad is and also they as Hali did with Josh have begun to know Chad's mother as Grammy because that is what Hali calls her.

So moving on. Meccia has gotten old enough to realize that Hali gets to leave us every other weekend to go spend time with her other daddy and his family while she gets to stay here. Josh's mom was so kind as to offer to let Meccia spend Friday nights with her on the weekends Hali is gone to help ease some of the confusion and frustration and maybe even a bit of jelousy Meccia was feeling at the time. Well as Josh and I talked about it we realized maybe letting Meccia leave every time Hali did defeated the purpose of Meccia having two married parents. For a while it was like we shared custody with Josh's mom. Knowing she was only trying to help Meccia's feelings! We tried to explain to Meccia one of the benifits of having married parents was you don't have to leave us every other weekend. Even still in Meccia's five year old heart and mind Hali gets to leave for a weekend long sleepover, and sometimes comes home telling Meccia all the fun things she did while she was gone, and Meccia was stuck here with her sibblings and "SAME OLD PARENTS" she has always had! Why don't I get to go mommy?

Now I don't want anyone to think Meccia is not happy with her daddy she loves him. She wants the sleepovers not the spare dad! We have tried many things to comfort her. Dates alone with her dad to help her feel special, play dates to have friends over while Hali is gone. Still allowing her on occassion to go spend the night at Nana & PaPa's who she loves so much, and we will continue to always try our hardest to make Meccia feel she is a VERY SPECAL part of our family.

In the end though it still remains the same. Hali will forever have two daddy's and even a spare whole family, that my other children don't have. There will be many times to come when it will be hard to say good bye to her for a weekend or a while on a Holiday. At some point my other kids are going to realize this is just how our family works and we just have to adjust.

I guess right now I am just praying little Meccia will one day be happy she only has ONE DADDY! Although this is always how life has been she is just getting old enough to realize it, and to try and understand it. I pray that she will find comfort in knowing we love her so and her daddy loves her enough for two daddy's!

This I am sure will be a long road for our family and we always have the intention of being as honest as possible with both of our girls. In doing that we want them to feel loved. I guess every family is different , and we all have our our things we must deal with. For the most part I feel like we are happy and so are our children, but to see one of your children walk out the door and leave you to spend time with another family is hard but it is even harder to see another of your babies cry for her when she is gone!

The heart of the matter is...

Well as some of you know when eastee was born they found a small VSD (a hole in his heart) of course we were not happy they said usually in a couple of weeks it closes so we went to the cardiologist at 4 weeks old and nope had not closed so today we had to go back for a recheck and guess what no hole no noise nothing !!! HEALTHY HEART 21 pound 6 month old smiling happy and so blessed! Josh and i were soooo happy to hear the news!!
GOD is so gooooooodddddd!!!!!!
love,
Easton's Mommy!!