This weeks REALisations....

I wanted to share with you that I have recently been going through some life changes. I am not sure if I would call these spiritual as much as soul changes just life moments that I have opened my eyes to. Realizing there are so many things in this life that I was fooled by or blind to. Maybe I am just getting older?

Here are a few moments from this past couple of weeks that have been BIG changers in my out look on a few things.

First I was sooooo lying when I said I was totally honest in this life.

There are things about my past that have been buried back so far and covered with blankets of hurt that I had nearly forgotten them, painfully God has helped reveal some of those things to me and prayerfully I have been slowly acknowledging them and trying to figure out how it is I will deal with these old but newly found emotions of painful past happenings.

I realized as I sat in Falls Park watching a Shakespeare play that I have yet to loose my passion for poetry in the hustle of "mommy life" I sat in amazement as I soaked in every emotion filled word. I LOVED IT!

I learned a hard lesson as I drove down the street the other day. I watched a guy pull in to a drive way drag a girl out of the back of his car and toss her on the ground. As he speed away and I watched her pick her self up, straighten her clothes, and begin to walk in the pouring rain the mother in me couldn't help but pull over. GET IN I said to her...and as the mascara covered eyes of what appeared to be a 16 year old girl looked back at me for a brief moment I saw a glimpse of myself through her. She replied..." I am ok" I knew she was NOT ok and at that age I was not ok either. After several attempts to help her I finally drove away praying God let her make it home. This world and what it has to offer is often JUST WRONG!

I have learned that I am exactly who I once was. Yes people change. You put your big girl panties an and you keep walkin heck sometimes you put your running shoes on and you take off, but the things you have gone through to get you to where you are standing now will always be a defining factor in who you are today. So I have decided instead of wishing those things were not a part of my past or even my present. I will choose to own those things. To hold them close and remember even though they might have been hard they are why I am who I am today. I have control over them they no longer have control over me.

I learned I can work part time and still be a good mom. I learned being a full time mommy is HARD and being a working mommy is HARD! No matter what your everyday includes all of us moms work hard, each and everyday.

Last but certainly not least forgiveness doesn't justify the chains people might have put on your soul...but it does break them and you are set free by that.

Well I guess this book is enough for now...There will be more defining moments shared in the next blog!

Dirty Diapers & Love!

So I was listening to focus on the family today. I just love that radio show. Anyway today it was about marriage and something profound was said.

Your marriage should be like a cloth diaper.
I LOVE THIS!!!

In todays world so many things are disposable, silverware, dishes, hand towels, watches, even husbands and wives.

Marriage is not supposed to be a throw away item...disposable.

If we looked at our married life like a diaper, in our hearts is it disposable? Are we all just waiting for the moment that it gets messy and starts to stink, for the moment when the "situation" gets to be too gross to handle, so we can just throw it away and bring in a new one?

Here is the first issue. A diaper is a diaper, and a marriage is a marriage, and no matter how you handle them they are all going to stink at one time or another.

I think (and so does the guy who talked about it on the radio today) We should look at our marriage more like a cloth diaper. It will get nasty, it will stink, there will be "situations" but when they arise you work them out. You clean them up, you deal with them, hang them out to dry and then you bring them back in the house put them back on and keep on crawling!

You don't throw them away!

Marriage is hard ,but it is not a throw away item.

So is your marriage disposable or is it just an old cloth diaper one you know might get stinky but you are willing to work with and clean up for love?

Dear Josh......

Josh,

OK I have tried to type this three times now only to erase and do it over. I think it is because I was writing this for my readers not for you. Trying to word my note so that they could understand the point of March 4th to me. Trying to do that without putting too much personal information but enough love.

I now realize this is not for them it's for you!

So here goes!

Oh my three years! I can not believe it! I AM SO PROUD. There are no words to discribe all the feelings this day creates for me every year! I look back on how far you have come! How honest you have been with me every step of the way! How you have taken this journey day by day never taking for granted how far you have come! How I have grown to love you more...(I thought that was impossible) How I love you differently since March 4th 2008. How my soul is connected to the Godly man you have become more than I ever was before...

I am always proud to be your wife but on this day each year I am a little more proud than usual!

HOOOORAAY!

All my love,
All my life,
Babe

To all our friends who celebrate this day with us each year. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your understanding for your support and for your encouragement. Most of all for just loving us for nothing more than who we are. Through this journey you have become more than our friends, you are our family.
ONE LOVE,
Cody

Does your attitude reflect that of a Christ follower?

So as most of you know I can be known to have a slight attitude. I have tried as I get older to control myself, but at times it resurfaces when I least expect it to! Well this morning it happened. I am in the drive thru to pick up my AM coffee and a girl about the same age as me breaks in the line. She squeezed her car right in front of mine! I even rolled down my window before she went and politely (well maybe not so politely) told her it was my turn to go! She then proceeded to go in front of me anyway!

So to make her drive thru experience much more fun I decided to lay on my horn for a VERY LONG TIME! While doing this a lady came up and knocked on my window. I rolled it down. She said "are you ok?" I said "Yes I am just trying to make the girl in front of me mad" She said with that Jesus sticker on the back of your van maybe you should have a better attitude! WOW!

Does your attitude match the stickers on the back of your car? Are you sporting the name of Christ on your car only o reflect the attitude of Satan himself? I guess my point is I praise God for that woman who had enough nerve to say that to me! I sure needed to hear it! I guess we all loose it sometimes, but is that an excuse for not always showing the love of Christ.

Worse I was on the phone with a friend and she heard the whole thing! I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF!!!! And all over a spot in line... I mean seriously! SORRY BRITNEY!

So on myspace there is this new thing you can put on your page it is were people can leave comments about what they think of you, but there is no way to tell who left them? I love it and hate it all at the same time! LOL

So that being said today was a really bad day i guess the past few weeks have not been so great! I am really down right now i am in a stage of life where i kinda feel stuck! Although i love my sweet kids so much it is hard to get out alot with four children under the age of eight!! I guess I have kinda forgotten who I am without them! I used to not be a mom! I don't really remember that but there was a time! I had Hali at 18 and by then i was working two jobs, i had not lived at mom and dads for over a year, and i was a loud, blunt, don't take no crap of nobody, do it myself, girl, who needed nothing from no one. I had done it on my own as others looked on just knowing i would fail, i may have slipped at times but i WAS STRONG! I took the world on and did it pretty well!

Now that I have four children life is much different! It is not my world! My world belongs to four other people and I do what they need not what I want! I NEED my husband !!! I could not work those two jobs if my life depended on it I would have to pay daycare for four kids? I don't have any freedom. I long to find myself again!

Life is just not in my control right now and it has really just made me sad, I don't feel so strong anymore! I do long for the days when it was me and my backbone against the world! I have felt weak latley like i am just not able to do anything on my own due to my children or the fact that i have just given up!

Now back to the myspace thing! I went online today to read my truths sent to me by others and saw this.....

I think you are the strongest person I have ever known. There is nothing that you can't do. You have a presence like no other. You demand respect, love willingly, hold no punches, and go get what you want without waiting on help bc you know you could do it better on your own. I have no doubt you can do anything and everything you want to do in life. You scare me because I know that you are not even close to the woman that you will become one day. You are a force to be reckoned with.

WOW!! Oh how i needed that! It really reminded me yes i am a mom and I DO LOVE THAT ABOUT ME, but undernieth the diapers and dishes i am still CODY "a force to be reckoned with" I don't know who left this message and i am sure they could never understand how bad i needed to hear it but boy it was great to hear i huge boost to my soul! A reminder of who i am and what i have always stood for and always will stand for strength of character, and a strong soul a heart that can be broken but pushes on through it all! ME, CODY, A MOM, STILL A STRONG PERSON!

I am moving my blog

So I have always blogged on myspace but because everyone does not have access to my blog on there I have chosen to move it here! So I do not loose any of my old blogs I am going to attempt to transfer them onto this blog page! Now before you begin to read understand these are my feelings. You may not agree with them all but they are mine and not yours so I guess my point is if ya don't like what you read then just don't read it again!