I regret to inform you.....

Well the last couple of weeks have been a little stressful to say the least...I started a new job after being out of the "work world" for almost five years as a stay at home mom. I has been different to say the least. Although I am blessed to have had this job fall in my lap as a final blessing from a special friend as she went to be with the Lord.

Around the same time I learned my grandmother had a brain tumor...enough said...

They ran test and test and some more test...the news was not good.

I took the news in stride as I heard my dad's heartbroken words this morning. I held it together so that he didn't have to.

Once I got home from work Josh told me Meccia had come down with something and was running a high temperature.

It was the last bit of self control I had left. I swept away into the kitchen for a brief moment of prayer...As I prayed alone with God I thought if God were sitting across the table what would I say. How would I express my pain to him.

It went something like this...

God,

I don't understand your plan for my grandmother one bit. I am angry with you for all that you have taken me through in the past few months, and I am clueless as to how you expect me to break this news to my daughters. My heart is broken and I want you to fix this. I promise you I will be selfish in this situation, I will not like some of the steps my family will have to make together in the coming months. I promise I will question you, I will yell at you, and I am sure I will cry out to you.

In this I also know that I will trust you, I will lean on you, I will keep my faith in you and know that you are walking through this fire with my grandmother and my family. I will not harden my heart towards you but open it up to you so that you may fill my soul with a comfort I can only find in you. I promise that I will fall and when I do I am sure I will fall hard but I will do it without even thinking because I know you will catch me and when I am too tired to walk this journey any longer I know you will carry me! I promise I will not always understand your plan but I will trust in it knowing you are a all knowing God and that my grandmothers suffering here is just a vapor of time compared to her time she will spend in eternity with her Lord and savior.

I know you understand my feelings and I know you hear my hearts cry. I know you know that in my perfect world you would choose to heal my grandmother, and if you do you are GOOD...but if you don't you are still GOOD.

I heard this statement at church a few weeks back...I know I heard it because you were preparing me for this...I know you do not punish us you prepare us...

Cody

My grandmother will have brain surgery to remove her tumor on Wed prayers are appreciated...