Today she is crying, she doesn't cry much, just when the pain is too much to take. Her heart has been broken most all of her life, her childhood covered with sexual abuse, emotional torment, and loss. No one understands her, and oh yes she has tried to run away, many times, in many ways. She has built walls the strongest army could never tear down, and her guard is always up, she is distrusting, and tough as nails these being the tools of those who survive the things she has seen and walked through.
She wears a smile most of the time, and when she laughs the whole room can hear her, because when she puts on a front she makes sure everyone pays attention. She only shares her heart with a few and only shares her whole heart with one. The one who has taken her this far....HE already knows it all anyway, he's the only one she can't hide anything from.
There have been moments in her life that have been full of REAL true happiness and the fact that she is able to hold on to those moments is the very thing that allows her to function in this life, that and her love. He watches her cry sometimes, holding her hand wishing he could take the pain from her, but he can't. It runs too deep, all the way to the depths of her soul, but she is comforted by his touch anyway. He knows her darkest secrets and loves her still, she doesn't know why but she is greatful for him.
She still has flashbacks of the things that she wants to forget but can't. She prays begging God to heal her from all she has been put through but feels as if her prayers always seem to hit the ceiling....She is a bit angry but not with God just with her lack of control she wishes she could fix this but after so many tries now knows she can't.
So she will continue to hold the hand of her love, tightly grasp all that there is that does bring her happiness in this life, and pray that just one of those prayers will be answered in the form of some quiet. She longs to live forever but in some sort of peace....she is searching for something that so far in this life has been completley unattainable, she wants to forget, but she can't.
She sees the faces of her children and longs for them to never face the things she has but to live perfectly sheltered lives, in love with Jesus who is our only savior, with laughter spewing uncontrollably from their mouths knowing deep and I mean deep into the depths of their souls that they are adored and loved by her.
She is just misunderstood, hurt, abused, and longing to be able to step away from the dramatic chaos that has brought her to where she dwells today. She wants to be her "tough self" holding on to the fact that she is untouchable because she has locked all her feelings deep inside of her for noone to see, but today she is broken, she cried, and someone saw her, she is let down, she is lost.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
ONE LOVE
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