I wanted to share with you that I have recently been going through some life changes. I am not sure if I would call these spiritual as much as soul changes just life moments that I have opened my eyes to. Realizing there are so many things in this life that I was fooled by or blind to. Maybe I am just getting older?
Here are a few moments from this past couple of weeks that have been BIG changers in my out look on a few things.
First I was sooooo lying when I said I was totally honest in this life.
There are things about my past that have been buried back so far and covered with blankets of hurt that I had nearly forgotten them, painfully God has helped reveal some of those things to me and prayerfully I have been slowly acknowledging them and trying to figure out how it is I will deal with these old but newly found emotions of painful past happenings.
I realized as I sat in Falls Park watching a Shakespeare play that I have yet to loose my passion for poetry in the hustle of "mommy life" I sat in amazement as I soaked in every emotion filled word. I LOVED IT!
I learned a hard lesson as I drove down the street the other day. I watched a guy pull in to a drive way drag a girl out of the back of his car and toss her on the ground. As he speed away and I watched her pick her self up, straighten her clothes, and begin to walk in the pouring rain the mother in me couldn't help but pull over. GET IN I said to her...and as the mascara covered eyes of what appeared to be a 16 year old girl looked back at me for a brief moment I saw a glimpse of myself through her. She replied..." I am ok" I knew she was NOT ok and at that age I was not ok either. After several attempts to help her I finally drove away praying God let her make it home. This world and what it has to offer is often JUST WRONG!
I have learned that I am exactly who I once was. Yes people change. You put your big girl panties an and you keep walkin heck sometimes you put your running shoes on and you take off, but the things you have gone through to get you to where you are standing now will always be a defining factor in who you are today. So I have decided instead of wishing those things were not a part of my past or even my present. I will choose to own those things. To hold them close and remember even though they might have been hard they are why I am who I am today. I have control over them they no longer have control over me.
I learned I can work part time and still be a good mom. I learned being a full time mommy is HARD and being a working mommy is HARD! No matter what your everyday includes all of us moms work hard, each and everyday.
Last but certainly not least forgiveness doesn't justify the chains people might have put on your soul...but it does break them and you are set free by that.
Well I guess this book is enough for now...There will be more defining moments shared in the next blog!
