Life through the eyes of "A WEIRD MOM"

The morning ride to school....

2011-11-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

This morning while taking my son Easton(3) to school with my other son Carson Parker(5) at his side this is what I heard.

Easton: "Mommy the grass is growing on my hand."
Me "The grass?" Carson Parker "Easton, that's not grass that's hair!" God put hair on your hand not grass."
Easton "I don't want hair on my hand."
Carson Parker "Well sometimes God gives us what we need, not what we want."

I could try to explain how this touched me as a mom to hear that from my child....but I think just the conversation speaks loud enough....

They asked Jesus, "Do you hear what these children are saying?" "Yes," Jesus replied. "Haven't you ever read the Scriptures? For they say, 'You have taught children and infants to give you praise.'"
Matthew 21:16 NLT
ONE LOVE

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals

2011-11-01T17:19:00.000-07:00

I normally don't forward things but this email that I received from a friend just touched me as a mom. I wanted other moms to be able to read it too, so I am posting it here.

One of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my phone?, What's for dinner?'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have

no record of their names.

2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was Almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know... I just did.

The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

On the darker side of things.....

2011-10-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

Today she is crying, she doesn't cry much, just when the pain is too much to take. Her heart has been broken most all of her life, her childhood covered with sexual abuse, emotional torment, and loss. No one understands her, and oh yes she has tried to run away, many times, in many ways. She has built walls the strongest army could never tear down, and her guard is always up, she is distrusting, and tough as nails these being the tools of those who survive the things she has seen and walked through.

She wears a smile most of the time, and when she laughs the whole room can hear her, because when she puts on a front she makes sure everyone pays attention. She only shares her heart with a few and only shares her whole heart with one. The one who has taken her this far....HE already knows it all anyway, he's the only one she can't hide anything from.

There have been moments in her life that have been full of REAL true happiness and the fact that she is able to hold on to those moments is the very thing that allows her to function in this life, that and her love. He watches her cry sometimes, holding her hand wishing he could take the pain from her, but he can't. It runs too deep, all the way to the depths of her soul, but she is comforted by his touch anyway. He knows her darkest secrets and loves her still, she doesn't know why but she is greatful for him.

She still has flashbacks of the things that she wants to forget but can't. She prays begging God to heal her from all she has been put through but feels as if her prayers always seem to hit the ceiling....She is a bit angry but not with God just with her lack of control she wishes she could fix this but after so many tries now knows she can't.

So she will continue to hold the hand of her love, tightly grasp all that there is that does bring her happiness in this life, and pray that just one of those prayers will be answered in the form of some quiet. She longs to live forever but in some sort of peace....she is searching for something that so far in this life has been completley unattainable, she wants to forget, but she can't.

She sees the faces of her children and longs for them to never face the things she has but to live perfectly sheltered lives, in love with Jesus who is our only savior, with laughter spewing uncontrollably from their mouths knowing deep and I mean deep into the depths of their souls that they are adored and loved by her.

She is just misunderstood, hurt, abused, and longing to be able to step away from the dramatic chaos that has brought her to where she dwells today. She wants to be her "tough self" holding on to the fact that she is untouchable because she has locked all her feelings deep inside of her for noone to see, but today she is broken, she cried, and someone saw her, she is let down, she is lost.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

ONE LOVE

I love my "NOT SO NUTTY" Son!

2011-10-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am posting my personal safe food/candy list on my blog for the Halloween season. I have had several friends ask me for it so here it is. NOTE: This is my personal list the one I give to people who may come in contact with my child, who is peanut/tree nut allergic. I can not guarantee that any of these products are free of any other allergens. (Stick with yummy earth or enjoy life foods for a safe candy free of all 8 BIG allergens)I also would like to remind everyone product labeling changes all the time so just because I list them as safe doesn't ensure they are safe always check labels for any changes that could have been made.
Yummy Earth website (click here)

HAPPY FOOD ALLERGY SAFE HOLIDAYS!

Because product labels are constantly changing…when buying any product including the ones on this list you should always look for after checking the ingredients list, look on the label for phrases like these:

"may contain nuts"
"produced on shared equipment with nuts or peanuts"
"produced in a facility that also processes nuts"

People who are allergic to nuts also have to avoid foods with these statements on the label. Although these foods might not use nut ingredients, the warnings are there to let people know the food may contain traces of nuts. That can happen through something called "cross-contamination," when nuts get into a food product because it is made or served in a place that uses nuts in other foods.

· Vanilla Wafers (Kraft Foods)

NABISCO

· Teddy Grahams (Chocolaty Chip,Chocolate,Honey)

· Honey Maid Graham Crackers

· Ritz PLAIN

· Oreos(PLAIN no double stuffed or colored icings)

· Pepperidge Farm Goldfish PLAIN

· Cheerios

· Orville Redenbachers Pop Corn Ultimate Butter

· Caprisun Juice Boxes

· Pringles Potato Chips (Procter & Gamble)

FRITO – LAY

· Cheetos

· Doritos

· Sunchips

KELLOGGS

· Poptarts

· Fruit snacks

CANDIES
Tootsie rolls

Tootsie roll pops

Smarties both rolls and pouches

Dum-Dum pops CHEWY DUM DUMS ARE NOT SAFE
Air Head products
CHARMS is made by the Tootsie company they make BLOW POPS they are also safe!

PEEPS

Hershey's Kisses (PLAIN)
YUMMY EARTH products are all safe for the "top 8" Allergens (lollipops sold at toys r us)
Jet Puffed Marshmallows
PEZ
All WONKA candies (WITH THE EXCEPTION OF CHOCOLATE)

Remember traces of nuts are found in STRANGE places shampoos, cheeses, soaps, some juices, pizza crust….

Carson's NUT FREE FAVORITES this year are....

Ring Pops By:BAZOOKA

KRAFT Jet-puffed
BooMallows / pumpkin bat and gost shaped marshmallows sold in individually wrapped packages of 40 @Walmart stores.

ONE LOVE,
Cody

A life of weeds or A life of love?

2011-09-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight I got to go on an early dinner date with my super hot husband Josh! We left and on the way home I asked him to turn down my grandmothers road. She went home to be with the Lord a few months ago. I had not been back to her house since the night before her funeral.

As we pulled in to her drive way I noticed there were weeds all over the flower beds and the house looked empty. We got out of the car and took a walk around the yard where I noticed ant hills and more weeds. As I looked into the windows of her back porch I saw her ferns were still hanging where she had left them but were beginning to fade away just as she had. (I thought to myself she would have a fit if she saw her home like this) She was so particular about her home and her yard!

Josh had been wondering around too, and he called me over to look at an old sign he had found. The sign read "RUMFELT'S TELEVISION SALES AND SERVICE" It was old and rusted. I began to cry, the anger left my soul and the heart break set in as I stared at that sign, I thought of that house and that sign, a sign of the family business my grandfather now gone to be with the Lord also had started 40 years ago!

I thought of how I was standing right in the middle of all they had worked for all they had spent their lives creating, and now they are both gone and here it all sits alone with weeds growing all over it just waiting for the day they put a "FOR SALE" sign in front of it.

Behind my tears I heard the still small voice of god speak to me...He said Cody "is this really what you think of your grandparents?" Is this really the legacy you believe they intended to leave behind, what they wanted you to remember them for?"

NO NO NO! I thought to myself, this is a house, this is a sign from a business, the people who once ran that business and lived and kept this house are gone. BUT what they left behind is still very much living! The five children and over 20 grand and great-grand children are still here, each of them carrying a piece of Forrest and Faye into their own lives. They left behind a family...a whole pile of people made better to have known them, to have been encourage, and taught how to live life by them. They left a legacy of faith and love to those who came in contact with them. All they lived for and worked for in not sitting in that pile of bricks. What they lived and worked for is still very much alive in the family they left behind, and I would be doing them an injustice to think they would want me to look at that as what had truly mattered in their lives.

So I guess what I mean is tonight God used my grandparent's home to put some things into perspective for me. What kind of life am I living? Am I living my life to earn material things that will grow up with weeds and rot after I am gone, or am I living for the things that matter....am I living to leave a legacy of good character and love, one of faith and giving, one that will last in those who knew me long after I am gone. I want to live a life that matters like my grandparents did.

So to that house, as Josh & I sat on the front porch, I said goodbye tonight, but the legacy of Forrest and Faye Rumfelt it will flow through my veins and rest in my soul until I see them again.

ONE LOVE
Cody

Well you ask for it Lee Buford!

2011-08-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

I recently posted this statement....(Stolen from one Pudge Huckaby) on my Facebook and someone said "that's a blog post Cody!"

So here we are with me giving you my look into this statement and the ways I am identified by this...

The statement was
Our calling isn't to KNOW all the answers, but rather, to LISTEN to Jesus & DO what He says! He is THE ANSWER we are called to KNOW!

Anyone who knows even a tiny bit about me could tell you I am a major control freak! I have based much of my self worth upon how well my life was planned and how well I then execute said plans within my life! You see the problem with that is I often FAIL! When you put unrealistic expectations on yourself you usually do not only FAIL but you are unhappy as you are falling deeper and deeper into your own self built pool of self-pity and disappointment!

I wonder sometimes if this is not the reason God blessed me with FOUR wonderful children! He knew they could single-handedly teach me I was not in control!

You see that's the first step acknowledging you are NOT IN CONTROL!

So once I realize through pure exhaustion that the day would never come when my life went exactly as planned I began asking myself who is in control? I immediately looked to my husband and that was an easy NO, God love him he is NOT A PLANNER! I then turned where I usually do in times of confusion, in times of trouble, in times of despair, heck in times of complete happiness, I pretty much always in up in Gods word one way or another!

I found this...
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you.

Psalm 61 2&3 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I, For you have been my refuge , a strong tower against the foe.

1 Peter 5-7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

time and time again I was reminded my help comes from the Lord. HE is in control of my life and I would be a lot less stressed if I would just take hold of those promises he made to me, that he would be at my side and allow him to lead me! So I gave it a try...and though it is sometimes hard to allow my controlling nature to sit alone in the corner of my mind I am COMFORTED by the fact that this battle is not mine! I AM NOT ALONE!

So in that I have realized I will never have all the answers, but as a child of God I am called to listen to Jesus....(read his word) (hear his still small voice...or in my case his sometimes very loud voice)

And in that I hear all the answers I need...

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

He is the answer we are called to know....

He is PEACE.....
(The only lasting kind I know of)

ONE LOVE,
Cody

And here we are full circle.....

2011-08-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

Well for those of you who follow our family through all of it's adventures....We would like to HAPPILY announce the newest one!

We will be leaving Newspring to head back to the local church plant we helped get going a couple of years ago, Revolution Church!

If you know us you know that our family is called to church planting! It is our passion! We have been so blessed to be surrounded by and take part in a few of what we would consider to be the best around!

So to our Newspring peeps! THANK YOU! What an amazing group of people you are! We have learned so much from you, you truly are equipping people and we love you for that! We have grown spiritually as individuals and as a family while under the leadership of Pastor Perry Noble! You have been a teacher! You have spoken the pure word of God and we honor the work God is doing through you and Newspring!

To our friends...We are blessed to have served in the presence of such a FUN and wonderfully gifted group of people...you have influenced us for the better! We will miss you terribly!

Mrs. Teresa - You will forever be in my heart as a mom for pioneering new direction in "mega churches" for kids with FOOD ALLERGIES! I am taking your methods and carrying them off to the church plant I will be working with! I cry as I am writing this...you have no idea the impact you have made on our family, and the comfort your emails bring to an allergy mama like me! WE LOVE YOU!

Production/band family -Your knowledge and leadership have meant the world to my husband! He loves you guys! Thank you for teaching him so many of your tricks. I know he is leaving better equipped to run sound and be creative!

Pudge- My children have grown so much during there time in KidSpring! They have been blessed to be a part of the FANTASTIC children's ministry at Newspring!

RoseAngela/Tom- For all the times your voice took my worship to a whole other level! Your love for the Lord pours out of your mouth and is seen in the way you live!

Kaycee, Lauren, Mr. Kelly, Michelle, Kenny and all the other teachers who greeted my children every Sunday and showed them how to love like Jesus! THANK YOU THANK YOU!
We love you all and our lives have been blessed by every smiling face we came in contact with while at Newspring! We will miss you all!

Revolution Peeps!

First to our wonderful friends Chris and Tabitha...Chris is the pastor at Revolution! Thank you for loving us right where we are! You knew where we came from and you believed in where we were headed and that is what you call FRIEND!

You already know a piece of our hearts never left you all! Revolution feels like coming home!

We know greater things are yet to come! We could not be HAPPIER about our return to be with dear friends with such wonderful hearts! We are excited to see how God is going to use our family through this ministry! I hope you are ready because WEEEEERE BAAACK!

Our cup runneth over,
The Wyatt's

I Corinthians 1:26a, “Brothers, think of what you were when you were called.”

This weeks REALisations....

2011-07-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share with you that I have recently been going through some life changes. I am not sure if I would call these spiritual as much as soul changes just life moments that I have opened my eyes to. Realizing there are so many things in this life that I was fooled by or blind to. Maybe I am just getting older?

Here are a few moments from this past couple of weeks that have been BIG changers in my out look on a few things.

First I was sooooo lying when I said I was totally honest in this life.

There are things about my past that have been buried back so far and covered with blankets of hurt that I had nearly forgotten them, painfully God has helped reveal some of those things to me and prayerfully I have been slowly acknowledging them and trying to figure out how it is I will deal with these old but newly found emotions of painful past happenings.

I realized as I sat in Falls Park watching a Shakespeare play that I have yet to loose my passion for poetry in the hustle of "mommy life" I sat in amazement as I soaked in every emotion filled word. I LOVED IT!

I learned a hard lesson as I drove down the street the other day. I watched a guy pull in to a drive way drag a girl out of the back of his car and toss her on the ground. As he speed away and I watched her pick her self up, straighten her clothes, and begin to walk in the pouring rain the mother in me couldn't help but pull over. GET IN I said to her...and as the mascara covered eyes of what appeared to be a 16 year old girl looked back at me for a brief moment I saw a glimpse of myself through her. She replied..." I am ok" I knew she was NOT ok and at that age I was not ok either. After several attempts to help her I finally drove away praying God let her make it home. This world and what it has to offer is often JUST WRONG!

I have learned that I am exactly who I once was. Yes people change. You put your big girl panties an and you keep walkin heck sometimes you put your running shoes on and you take off, but the things you have gone through to get you to where you are standing now will always be a defining factor in who you are today. So I have decided instead of wishing those things were not a part of my past or even my present. I will choose to own those things. To hold them close and remember even though they might have been hard they are why I am who I am today. I have control over them they no longer have control over me.

I learned I can work part time and still be a good mom. I learned being a full time mommy is HARD and being a working mommy is HARD! No matter what your everyday includes all of us moms work hard, each and everyday.

Last but certainly not least forgiveness doesn't justify the chains people might have put on your soul...but it does break them and you are set free by that.

Well I guess this book is enough for now...There will be more defining moments shared in the next blog!

The Flower Drop Off

2011-06-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

I knew she was sick, I knew I needed to go and see her but the last time I had been there was the memory I wanted to hold onto. I didn't want the one of her sick...the one of her laying in the bed not even knowing I was there.

So for her birthday I took her flowers...I left them on the porch and ran. AFRAID...of what I might find if I were to go inside.

She knew I loved her, I knew she loved me this was good enough...

I got home from the "flower drop off" and my phone rang....she left a message..Cody, "This is your grandma...I love you thank you for my flowers."

Realizing that she realized I had been there and left I was overwhelmed with emotion. I got in my car and drove. On the way there I imagined what I would see in her eyes. I thought of what I would say.

I walked in to find her laying in the bed. She still looked lovely...She was wearing a red hat and her nails were polished as they had always been. She smiled at me when she heard my voice. She can barley see these days. I sat by her and she held my hand...

I started telling her funny stories about the kids and our trip to the beach...as she looked straight ahead and never said a word...When I finally stopped talking she spoke..."I love you Cody" I said I know Grandma I love you too!

As she fell asleep she kept a tight grip on my hand...I looked around the room at all the cards and flowers from all the people who love her, I thought about the last time I had been in that room...when she was still cancer free...I wondered how I would leave...what I would say...and if it would be the last time I told her I loved her?

So I squeezed her hand and said go to sleep now Grandma I love you and I will see you again soon...She said I love you MORE! I walked out of the room and cried....

I am not sure if I will see her again on this side of eternity, but I am happy tonight I made the decision to go and see her. I think she was glad too! I love her...and this sucks...SCREW YOU CANCER...

Her Granddaughter,
Cody

The view from my pedestal

2011-05-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well today I did it...I always do....No matter how much I try...I always let my mouth get out of control....AT TIMES I might even act a little childish or "redneck"

I have always been opinionated and loud, a little too blunt, and overly honest...to a fault at times...I am so true at times sometimes I feel if I keep my mouth shut when I think something or have a thought cross my mind that I might be "fake" to keep that feeling to myself...

The old "I felt it there for it shall be said" rule that's in the bible I am sure...Somewhere it must be.

The people that know me best know my heart, they know I am a sinner with a bad background one filled with drugs, premarital sex, teen pregnancy, lies, and divorce.

They also know I am a changed person in many ways. I have left much of my past behind me. You see I knew the Lord when I did all of those things...just didn't care too much about what he thought about it...Knowing the Lord and having a relationship with him are two different things you know.

Now getting back to what those who know me best know about me...Well they also know I am sarcastic, moody, and will flip on another person in about 3 seconds if given the right situation. This is something I am not proud of. I do not do a great job at controlling my mouth nor my anger.

You see I think when you refer to yourself as a "christian" people tend to put you on a "perfection-ometor" or they put you on this pedestal that God knows you will never live up to.

Today I was approached with this statement..."I thought you were supposed to be a Christian?"

My first reaction to that was

1. I AM

2. What do you care

3. Stop worrying about my relationship with the Lord and worry about your own.

BUT
After thinking about it for a while I came to this conclusion. The Lord commands us to love others, and I will try to do this.

This person is hard to love and I am trying to get my heart right about that...

For now these are the things I would say to her if she were reading this...

First I am sorry for my childishness

Second I would encourage you to work on your relationship with Jesus and pull from him your "view" of perfection because Christians here on earth will NEVER meet that expectation for you.

My prayer for myself would be that I could control my mouth and my anger when I am attacked.
because in Gods word it tells us RECKLESS WORDS PIERCE LIKE A SWORD BUT THE TONGUE OF THE WISE WOMAN BRINGS HEALING

Also I would tell you this
THERE IS DECEIT IN THE HEARTS OF THOSE WHO PLOT EVIL BUT JOY FOR THOSE WHO PROMOTE PEACE.
Proverbs 12:22

I pray this for you...That you would find it in your heart to understand this verse and put it into practice...

Moving on looks a little like this....

2011-05-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

Today as I realized it is the anniversary of the death of a great man of God husband and father of three Zac Smith. This just following the one year anniversaries of the deaths of Russ Church and Brent Batson dear friends of Josh and I.

I woke up this morning to read about sweet Kate who is so young and will have a MRI of her brain tumor this morning

I am surrounded by death... The thought of it rarely leaves me as I find small reminders of the struggles of those here on earth and the loss of those now gone to be with the Lord.

I try to find comfort in worldly things in a picture or the voice of a friend or family member, but I guess we are just all putting one foot in front of the other right?

Someone asked me this past week can't you just move on...

I have...

I am here right? I thought to myself...

I am moving on the best way I know how...

By trying to learn from the loss we have suffered as a family...Trying to remember to love harder, to not let the little things in life consume me, to make my life count, and to make it one worth remembering, to hug my children more and fuss at them less, to "love harder and worry less" this is what Brooke and I have been telling each other.

I really thought I would be able to move on with my life and just forget this at some point...at some point that these people I once held so dear would simply begin to fade as my life here on earth moved forward but one year later I can say the pain is still there and the memories still fresh...

So what do we do with that? How is this the new?

We stay positive....We keep our eyes open for opportunities to love others, to help others, MOST IMPORTANTLY to share the love of Christ with others...

We live life...
This weekend we did that by donating enough blood to save over 100 peoples lives!

Every now and then I do this by sending sweet Caitlin Church a card or a little gift to let her know we love her...On mother's day it is a card to a mom who no longer has her child to send one, on the alter it is a prayer begging God to save the lives of our friends who still don't know him.

Moving on comes in all kinds of packages...

Cody Michelle Wyatt 5/12/1982 - 00/00/0000
Its not the day you are born or the day that you die but the DASH in-between that counts...

What have you done with your DASH today?

ONE LOVE,
Cody

Facebook AFTER Death....

2011-03-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

In the past few months I have had several people make comments to me about Facebook. They say oh I had to delete my FB, I am just on there so I can stalk my sons father. Oh I need to delete my FB people on there make me say things I shouldn't. Oh well I had to take those pictures off my FB because I just posted them to make someone mad...

I spoke to someone today who said...Yea I looked at her FB and you can tell all she does is party...

I began to think. What if I was dead, and others who never knew me looked at my FB page what would they see. If asked what would they say about my life, from the "look" of my FB page. What would people say about me as the scrolled through my pictures...She loved her kids...is that a beer she has in her hand....WOW she wore that? She was friends with that guy?

I know I know many people might be thinking I DON'T CARE what people who look at my FB page think about me....Well if you are a Christian you should....if you are a parent you should...if you are a Sunday school teacher you should...I could go on and on.

Reality is our lives...including our FB page are reflections of who we are who we are as individuals, who we are in Christ...of our hearts...Does yours reflect that of a Christ follower? Does yours reflect that of a mother your children could be proud of or a husband your wife can trust...or maybe even a student who sets a good example for others?

So first we must think WHO is it we want to reflect? What type of person do we want people to see in us? That answer will be different for each of us, but as for me, I want to reflect my love for Jesus, my commitment to my husband, the happiness brought into my life by four fantastic kids, my friendships....

So I challenge you to read your post as if you were dead...as a person going to your page to look in and decide who was this person and what did their life stand for? Would you be proud of the answer?

One Love,
Cody

Parents just don't understand.....

2011-03-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

More and more each day I am learning I have four very different children. Each with their own soul and passion, each with a unique personality and will to do what they know to be the adventure of life.

Sometimes they are happy and some days they are sad some moments are filled with creativity and some with frustration, many moments in a house of six are filled with work and many with fun and imagination.

I find myself so many times as a mom embracing the moments that are filled with positive behaviors and enjoying the uniqueness of each of my children. The moments when Hali wants to do nothing but read. The moments when Meccia paints freely and creates what I believe to be a masterpiece, or when my boys Carson and Easton play pirates and sail the ship (laundry basket) around the house.

But how do we handle the moments when our children are being themselves in ways that are hard for us as parents to deal with?

When they are sleepy at four in the afternoon and its not a great time for a nap but not quite bedtime. Do we expect them to just suck it up and behave even though that is not how they are feeling at that moment, or do we just lean in to that emotion with love and be understanding with some of the behavior we wouldn't normally except, because we know it is because they are tired.
Or like when you have a strong willed child one who doesn't want to be told what to do...Do you demand they follow your every command or do you embrace that strong willed child and instead give them a few choices all of which are acceptable options and allow them to make the decision.

I am discovering every day how much I as a parent need to stop trying to turn my children into something they just simply are not. I think all to often as parents we want our children to grow up and be doctors when they may in all actuality want to grow up to be a airplane pilot or an artist or even hold your breath a stay at home mommy!

We want our three year olds to act as if they are ten...We expect perfection from inperfect children...How would you feel if people put those same expectations on you...Maybe they already do..Maybe you are stressed and feel useless and incompetent. Maybe you are longing to be your true self but feel as though you will be met with confrontation and a lack of understanding from those around you.

Is this what we are doing to our children? Maybe some of us without even realizing it?

I pray that I am a parent who shows my children support one who embraces who they are as individuals never expecting them to be or act like anything but themselves. I hope that I am a parent who shows unconditional love and one my children can count on to stnad behind them through any struggle they might face.

A Soul's Stirring

2011-03-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

Tears of joy and heartbreak flow as I read the outlook of a trusted friend on my recent subject...Hearing NO...

I thought I would post the link to her blog here...

A Souls Stirring

Cody

What if the answer is no?

2011-03-14T14:15:00.001-07:00

So today there was a situation in my car. Easton my three year old wanted me to turn on the TV. I told him since we were only driving a short distance we would not be turning the TV on for this trip. He was not happy to say the least. He yelled at me TURN ON THE TV! When I said no he continued for the entire five minute car ride to yell TURN ON THE TV over and over. Needless to say this method didn't change my answer no matter how hard he tried my answer was still no.

As I looked back on that moment I thought this is very similar to the relationship some of us have with God. We pray about something, we ask God to give us an answer and many of us don't mind waiting on the answer....as long as it is a yes.

The thing is sometimes we wait and the answer is no. Sometimes we wait, and we get nothing.... no answer...(I take that as a no also.)

This is when we sometimes begin to act just like my three year old. We get angry or frustrated with God because we just are not getting the answer we had wanted from him.

He is not going to open the door for that job, you didn't get the loan you needed, the adoption didn't go through, God did not choose to heal the person you have been praying for...Sometimes the answer is just no.

Here is where you would expect me to say some kind of really wonderful thing that would make hearing no from your Heavenly Father better or easier. I don't have that word. I don't have that comfort. I think here is where we need to get off the floor stop throwing the tantrum...stop yelling at God to give us our way and fall back on his word, not only his word but his promises.

In Romans 12 the Bible tells us his will is perfect and good, in Jeremiah it tells us the Lords plans are to prosper us. You have to trust he knows best....

PROVERBSS 3 5:6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lamentations 3 22:23
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I think on the days I find myself most confused I run to his word, I run to the answers he has given me.

I will leave you with this quote as you ponder how you will handle the answer no from God...

We only want His BEST!!!! If what we want doesn't line up with what He wants for us then it will always be second best!
Tabitha Lewis

Dirty Diapers & Love!

2011-03-09T13:11:00.000-08:00

So I was listening to focus on the family today. I just love that radio show. Anyway today it was about marriage and something profound was said.

Your marriage should be like a cloth diaper.
I LOVE THIS!!!

In todays world so many things are disposable, silverware, dishes, hand towels, watches, even husbands and wives.

Marriage is not supposed to be a throw away item...disposable.

If we looked at our married life like a diaper, in our hearts is it disposable? Are we all just waiting for the moment that it gets messy and starts to stink, for the moment when the "situation" gets to be too gross to handle, so we can just throw it away and bring in a new one?

Here is the first issue. A diaper is a diaper, and a marriage is a marriage, and no matter how you handle them they are all going to stink at one time or another.

I think (and so does the guy who talked about it on the radio today) We should look at our marriage more like a cloth diaper. It will get nasty, it will stink, there will be "situations" but when they arise you work them out. You clean them up, you deal with them, hang them out to dry and then you bring them back in the house put them back on and keep on crawling!

You don't throw them away!

Marriage is hard ,but it is not a throw away item.

So is your marriage disposable or is it just an old cloth diaper one you know might get stinky but you are willing to work with and clean up for love?

Dear Josh......

2011-03-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

Josh,

OK I have tried to type this three times now only to erase and do it over. I think it is because I was writing this for my readers not for you. Trying to word my note so that they could understand the point of March 4th to me. Trying to do that without putting too much personal information but enough love.

I now realize this is not for them it's for you!

So here goes!

Oh my three years! I can not believe it! I AM SO PROUD. There are no words to discribe all the feelings this day creates for me every year! I look back on how far you have come! How honest you have been with me every step of the way! How you have taken this journey day by day never taking for granted how far you have come! How I have grown to love you more...(I thought that was impossible) How I love you differently since March 4th 2008. How my soul is connected to the Godly man you have become more than I ever was before...

I am always proud to be your wife but on this day each year I am a little more proud than usual!

HOOOORAAY!

All my love,
All my life,
Babe

To all our friends who celebrate this day with us each year. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your understanding for your support and for your encouragement. Most of all for just loving us for nothing more than who we are. Through this journey you have become more than our friends, you are our family.
ONE LOVE,
Cody

Todays "Boog" update

2011-02-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

Last night Josh and I had a long talk... As we discussed the situation we decided either God will heal my grandmother on this side of Heaven or he won't and he will take her home to be with him. In that statement I decided to begin to pray for comfort for my grandmother no matter what the situation may come to be.

This morning I rose to the normal crazy school morning in our house...Lunches to be made and kids to get going.

In the craziness of my morning there was glimmers of Gods grace, of his presence in our lives. Meccia was able to sleep through the night for the first time in three days. She woke up with a very low grade fever instead of the 103 temp she has been retaining over the past few days. I realized she is turning the corner to being well.

My phone rang shortly after I got Hali off to school and Josh out to Columbia. It was my mom. She called to tell me my grandmother who we all call Boog, who had brain surgery yesterday, had inspired her doctors as they made their rounds this morning.

This morning she should have been sore, barley awake, just realizing where she was and who everyone was, just getting back to herself. Instead she woke up and asked for coffee and some breakfast. She then asked if she could get up and sit in a chair and she DID!

As I heard the news God said to me in his oh so quiet voice COMFORT...He heard me he answered my prayer. She may not be healed but for now God is giving her comfort.

Today my cup runneth over. My blessings can not be measured!

Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Psalm 23 4-6

feelingless and faithfilled

2011-02-23T18:23:00.000-08:00

Well tonight there is a awkward silence in my thoughts as I just take a moment to process what I have been told. Details don't matter as I have told many I type my feelings and they are just missing at this point...I am numb to exactly what is going on.
I am distracted by everyday life kids and work. The flu that somehow crept its way into what I thought was my germ free home.

I continue to stay positive deliberately pointing out all my blessings instead of counting all my trials.

Meccia is about the same still feverish and Josh has been SUPER HUSBAND jumping in alternating work times and helping with the long list of medications Meccia is taking, entertaining the boys, and dating Hali, praying over me when he sees I am at the end of my rope but just don't say anything.

Countless friends send me text and FB messages of prayers and support, for my grandmother and my family.

I am filling out the invites for meccias baptism. I am elated to have the honor of seeing that next weekend!

Life is moving things are changing, and I don't get to control it all. I do get to choose how I react to what is happening though and I choose to remain steadfast. To draw closer to Jesus and love those around me with all my might for however long it is God loans them to me.

I was encouraged tramendously by a dear friend with this scripture and I have held this promise close to my heart today.

James 1:12
"Blessed is the woman who remains steadfast under trial, for when she has stood the test she will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

I regret to inform you.....

2011-02-21T14:29:00.000-08:00

Well the last couple of weeks have been a little stressful to say the least...I started a new job after being out of the "work world" for almost five years as a stay at home mom. I has been different to say the least. Although I am blessed to have had this job fall in my lap as a final blessing from a special friend as she went to be with the Lord.

Around the same time I learned my grandmother had a brain tumor...enough said...

They ran test and test and some more test...the news was not good.

I took the news in stride as I heard my dad's heartbroken words this morning. I held it together so that he didn't have to.

Once I got home from work Josh told me Meccia had come down with something and was running a high temperature.

It was the last bit of self control I had left. I swept away into the kitchen for a brief moment of prayer...As I prayed alone with God I thought if God were sitting across the table what would I say. How would I express my pain to him.

It went something like this...

God,

I don't understand your plan for my grandmother one bit. I am angry with you for all that you have taken me through in the past few months, and I am clueless as to how you expect me to break this news to my daughters. My heart is broken and I want you to fix this. I promise you I will be selfish in this situation, I will not like some of the steps my family will have to make together in the coming months. I promise I will question you, I will yell at you, and I am sure I will cry out to you.

In this I also know that I will trust you, I will lean on you, I will keep my faith in you and know that you are walking through this fire with my grandmother and my family. I will not harden my heart towards you but open it up to you so that you may fill my soul with a comfort I can only find in you. I promise that I will fall and when I do I am sure I will fall hard but I will do it without even thinking because I know you will catch me and when I am too tired to walk this journey any longer I know you will carry me! I promise I will not always understand your plan but I will trust in it knowing you are a all knowing God and that my grandmothers suffering here is just a vapor of time compared to her time she will spend in eternity with her Lord and savior.

I know you understand my feelings and I know you hear my hearts cry. I know you know that in my perfect world you would choose to heal my grandmother, and if you do you are GOOD...but if you don't you are still GOOD.

I heard this statement at church a few weeks back...I know I heard it because you were preparing me for this...I know you do not punish us you prepare us...

Cody

My grandmother will have brain surgery to remove her tumor on Wed prayers are appreciated...

Cake part 2

2011-02-11T18:45:00.000-08:00

This is my friends sons adorable cake the one we wanted...

Cake.... a love hate relationship

2011-02-11T18:03:00.000-08:00

So I had seen a wonderful birthday cake made by Cup Cake Couture for a friend of mine! So I went to the website and decided to give it a try against my better judgment. Not only was I amazed at how ignorant the lady was on the phone...(telling me a coconut was a tree nut) ITS NOT!!!!as we discussed my sons food allergies..I WAS ALSO SHOCKED to hear my cake would cost upwards of $80.00. I decided to take the plunge to get my three year old the Toy Story cake he had requested.

I asked the cake be blue butter cream icing with fondant rope around the bottom and top of the cake with a fondant Jesse and Woody on top. I mentioned the rope many times, as my son thinks he is a cowboy!

I agreed to pick my cake up at 10:00AM on Sat morning. I was late and didn't get to the store to pick it up until 10:45, only to find my cake was not even ready! Good thing I was late uhhh!
The lady half showed me the cake in a box and then announced as I paid she would place it in my car. I agreed.
I got in my car and began driving down the street when I looked over and noticed the butter cream on my cake was cracked and looked as if a 5 year old had put it on and I didn't see the rope I had requested...I decided to pull over to further inspect the cake! As I looked in horror at what had been my three year olds only request for his birthday I began to cry! I called Josh and he demanded I take it back.

I couldn't I was late for my own child's party and so I called them...I explained how the lady had taken the cake to my car without me really getting to see the cake, how there was no time for me to bring it back, how I was so disappointed in this cake and how it didn't even include everything I had asked for. Upon hearing my tears the manager was very apologetic she offered to mail me a gift certificate for the full amount that day. That was Jan 7th and I HAVE YET TO GET THAT GIFT CERTIFICATE!

I plan on calling cup cake couture in the morning to attempt to collect that gift card by ordering my sons Valentine cupcakes for his class party in one last attempt to let them redeem there reputation as the place to go for awesome cakes.

The only explanation I can give for the reason my friends sons cake looked awesome and mine was crap is maybe a new owner, a change in cake decorators, or management? The one thing I can assure you is the person who made her cake WAS NOT the person who made my sons cake!!!

IF AND I DO STRESS IF CCC is able to make this good with totally awesome cupcakes for my sons class I will blog about it...until then I would highly discourage anyone from spending a large chuck of cash on a cake you will be very disappointed in...I can throw couture in front of my name too that doesn't make me any better than anyone else...From what I saw it is a glorified bilo with unprofessional people working in it....

Drop The Gun.......

2011-01-13T13:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had that moment when you go..."What did I just do?" I think Beth Moore described my life best in a book I am reading when she said...

I had my headphones on and my ipod blaring. My left hand, complete with wedding ring and fresh manicure, was up in the air praising God, and my right hand was down by my side, gripping a shot gun. I know how to load it. I know how to use it. I grinned, shook my head, and thought to myself, How on earth did this happen....

As I read this it hit me hard I knew this was me, God constantly brings it to my attention to clean out parts of my old self that seem to resurface at times...

I feel my life is a bit two sided...I feel even though I praise my creator with genuine feeling and love him with every bit of my being there is still a part of me that is holding that shot gun...

Ready to handle things on my own if need be...

This makes me question how strong my faith is wondering do I fully rely on God? Will I ever be able to put down my shot gun and just trust that whatever comes my way HE CAN HANDLE!
Will I ever know that and fully trust in the fact that my God is big enough he doesn't need me for back up.

Deep down inside I know this but knowing and truly believing are two different things.
You can know something your whole life and never put it into action.. For example lots of people know they should eat better but unless they do it they will live the rest of their lives fat and unhealthy...

We can know we need to put our guard down lay our shot gun down and throw that other hand in the air and allow our "whole" selves to worship him free from the bondage of our past but if we never do it we will just live a life of chains never to walk in the total freedom of a new life in Christ...

This is what I think s many of us struggle with...Being "half surrendered" I think with me God is pressing in he is saying to me I want it all...I don't want the problems that are left over...The ones you couldn't handle on your own. I don't want the left over time...I don't want to be who you spend time with when you have nothing better to do...

MOST IMPORTANTLY I feel him saying I want your whole heart not just what is left over from the pain and hurt of your past, not just the pieces that you pushed to the front the few you had left that you thought where "God worthy"

I feel him saying "Cody I died for you"...and you don't think I can handle your problems, your insecurities, your heartaches, your pain...I can break these chains and set you free if you will just drop the gun....

Moses and my dad....

2010-11-30T06:32:00.000-08:00

So my dad has struggled with praying out loud for sometime now and we talked about it the other day. He said "Cody I pray all the time to myself, but in front of a bunch of people I just get choked up" I said dad pray for God to give you words and he will...

The next night at choir he was called on to pray! AND HE DID! He called me and I was so proud! I said well how did you do? He said I think i did ok...

Yesterday in my quiet time I was lead to this scripture. Exodus 4:10-12
Here Moses pleads with the Lord, O Lord I'm just not a good speaker. I never have been, and I'm not now, even after you have spoken to me. I'm clumsy with words.
Who makes mouths? The Lord asked him. Who makes people so they speak or not speak, hear or not hear, see or not see? Is it not I, the Lord?

Then he tells Moses to go and do as he has told him. The Lord tells him I will help you speak well, and I will tell you what to say.

As followers of Christ we need to hear God's voice saying to us...You may not be able to do it on your own but I made you I know what you need and I will help you!

Moses took heed to those words and trusted in God's strength rather than focusing on what he couldn't do with his own strength.

I am proud of my dad for his outward praise in Choir practice and I know God was too!

Ab Lincoln once said without the assistance of the divine being...I can not succeed. With that assistance, I can not fail.

I HATE you so much right now!

2010-11-23T13:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Sir,

I am a friend of your girlfriend/your wife/your daughter. I want you to know a few things...

I hate you when I see her broken. I hate you when I see her tears. I hate you when I see the person you have made her become. I hate what you do to her on the inside and out. You control her even more than you think. I hate that she works to keep your heart. Your heart is distant, cold, unreachable. She will never be good enough to make you change. I hate the bruises that cover her body because you think this makes you a man? The screams don't matter to you and your apologies don't matter to me!

It sickens me to think you have convinced her this is her fault or even worse that you have beat her down to the point she feels as though she deserves it! I hate the way you speak to her, the way you use her, the way you cheat her out of life. I hate how she smiles when you call because she doesn't realize what a punk you really are! I hate the way she won't take my help when I offer to take her far away to a place where there is love and safety!

You know what I hate the most! I hate the control you have over me!! I hate that you can feel my soul with such dark feelings! I hate that you have taken my friend! I hate that you make me cry for her that you make my heart break for her pain!

I am praying God will heal her pain. That one day she will realize I write and feel these things because I love her.

You are no man! You are a child! You are a child of God even if I think you don't deserve to be so I will even pray for you.

Cody

In my Life....

2010-09-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

I have been having intentional devotions lately. I am ashamed to tell you that is not something I have always done in my life. I feel like God has been revealing and convicting during my recent quiet time. Although not always so quietly, Jesus is speaking to me.

Today God brought to my attention John 16:33
You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.

We grow up having expectations, the house we will live in, the car we will drive, that we will never be sick, or even how perfect our spouse will be. We don't see a point in preparing for disappointment.

Jesus was upfront with his disciples when he told them what to expect in life. If we want to avoid the anger and disappointment that comes with the unrealistic thoughts of our "perfect life" then we must not insist that it be perfect....

We can not base our moods on how things are going. We need to put our confidence in God, who never changes, and choose to be ok with a life that IS GOING to change from moment to moment.

In 1Peter 4:12-13 it says Dear Friends do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

Anywhere

2010-06-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

In 1st Corinthians(6:19) it says Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received from God?

The angel of the Lord told Moses "Take the shoes off your feet, for the ground on which you stand is Holy ground" Exodus 3:5

That ground was Holy because the Holy one was there. Now if we have received Christ through faith in Jesus we are that that temple for the Holy Ghost.

Everywhere we go is a Holy place because God is inside of us. God is not a building for us to visit and take in on Sunday mornings. You as a believer take God with you where ever you go.

So that being said you can talk to him anywhere you are. In jail or in the grocery store he is there. In painful times or in triumph he is there.

When you realize this and allow God to be a part of all you do, of each thing you do each day this is when you see a change in your life.

I am trying to remember God is always with me so I should want to make him proud in every aspect of my life. YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM GOD...

One Love
ACRISWIFEE

Good Morning

2010-06-07T12:45:00.000-07:00

When I said, My foot is slipping, Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, Held me up. Psalm 94:18

I seem to be a "NOT SO HAPPY" morning person. I wake up ok but the second something doesn't go my way I tend to walk around with a negative attitude, for the rest of the day.
If someone offends me in the morning my anger will follow me through out the rest of my day.
I am trying to change my out look...

Praise be to God that I get to wake up each morning with new mercy, and new Joy renewed and ready to begin with a positive attitude.

THE KEY TO KEEPING THAT ATTITUDE ALL DAY IS...
Keeping my feet firmly planted in God's word. There can be no bad day when Gods word supports, and strengthens us.

Daddy's not here...

2010-06-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

This week Josh has been in Fl on business. He used to travel a good bit but has not been gone for this long in quit a while. The first day was not so bad. The second day my youngest son Easton who is two began saying "Daddy working?" In his own little way he was asking me where he was...

We limit talking to Josh on the phone while he is out of town because it just seems to get the children upset. Carson did have one conversation with him wile he was gone where he simply asked "Daddy can you come home pleeease?"

I was forced to think of Brittany Batson and Katherine Church as I sat listening to my child needing his daddy. My heart cried as I thought of the many questions that will come in the days ahead. I thought of how hard it had been to be without Josh for the past few days and then tried to imagine how it would feel to know he was not coming home...I couldn't!

I prayed for the families this week that have suffered a great loss, and even more the sweet children of these great men!

As Josh pulled into the drive way this morning and I ran to him and held him in my arms I thought of my precious friend Amber and how I know she would give about anything to be able to do that again. To run to Brent and hold him in her arms!

I know this doesn't seem like a very positive or touching blog. I guess I am just typing my feelings with the thought in mind that life is not guaranteed. Make each moment count. Love like it was your last day to love! Live like you are not going to live another day! Whoever that person is that you love but have not told them lately let them know today!

Pray for the mothers of these babies, and for the families as they go through each day without such an important person in their lives.

Most importantly as Brad Batson says keep the main thing the main thing!

I miss you Brent and Russ you will forever be in the hearts of all who laughed with you, loved you, had you as a friend, or ever crossed your path. I am so thankful I was one of those people!
ONE LOVE

Day by Day

2010-06-01T06:49:00.000-07:00

Well recently several people have mentioned they miss my daily blogs. I have been wanting to try to find more time to blog lately but sometimes find it hard. Not due to time but to my emotions. I am an emotional blogger. I blog when I have strong feelings about a subject and want to share something I think people might want to read.

I am beginning to think this is not what all people want from my blog. Most of what I hear is how do you do that with four kids? You should blog about your day to day mishaps as a mom. Well I never have because I don't hold myself on a pedestal because I have four kids. Some moms have more than me, some moms have children with special needs and do way more amazing things than what I do everyday!

So I am going to try to do this short daily blog of the highlights of my day each evening. We will see how many people are interested.

I thought this week would be a good week to start. It is the last day of school tomorrow, and Josh has a crazy work schedule this week so I guarantee there will be many emotions to type about this week.

I hope everyone is as productive as me today top of my to do list clean the toilets! LOL

TO LONG TO FACEBOOK STATUS!!!!

2010-03-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

My my my we call ourselves Christians but harbor so much HATE and JEALOUSY in our hearts toward others! Man you drink a beer, or listen to a song that has not been saved! LOL, or God forbid you date someone outside your race, or HEAVEN FORBID you love like Jesus loved and be friends with some one who is gay? I mean really are we so busy pointing fingers that we don't take the time to live like Jesus would have us live! He told me to love not to pick who I love, I follow the Ten commandments not the local old school church commandments. Man I am BITTER tonight I am embarrassed I let this stupidity take such a toll on my heart! Stop trying to make the Bible match your tradition and start reading what the Word really tells us.....
A CHRIST FOLLOWER!

2010-03-19T13:47:00.000-07:00

HAPPY NUT FREE EASTER Everyone! I wanted to take a second to remind everyone who will be buying candy for their own kids or for the local church or and other event to keep it safe keep it NUT FREE!
I wanted to list my safe candy list because I find on a lot of nut free parents blogs they tend to list candies that have to be ordered off a website & many of us don't have the time nor money to do that! In our family we usually just stick to the large companies with clear allergy info on the package and on the websites! I listed several of these back in the Halloween season but wanted to re list today..
Tootsie rolls
Tootsie roll pops
Smarties both rolls and pouches
Dum-Dum pops
I would like to promote Dum-Dums they are not only tree nut/peanut free they are also milk,egg,wheat, and gluten free! I think this is awesome!
CHEWY DUM DUMS ARE NOT SAFE
I can not find and nut products in the allergy info for any of the Air Head products on the website but these products do contain wheat. So for us Air Head products are SAFE!
Also CHARMS is made by the Tootsie company they make BLOW POPS they are also safe!
PEEPS
Hershey's Kisses are said to be safe on a few other "nutty mom's blogs" although I have not researched that one myself.
YUMMY EARTH products are all safe for the "top 8" Allergens
REMEMBER to always read your packaging because things change everyday.
HAPPY EASTER

A NUT FREE HALLOWEEN!

2009-09-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

So I am not sure how many of you know but my son was diagnosed with a severe peanut/tree nut allergy a couple of weeks ago. I am finding that people do not understand nut allergies! Its is not at all that i think that anyone would do anything intentional to hurt my child but that they are simply not educated in the area of food allergy unless they have a child who has one.

I have asked at several restaurants recently if certain food items contain nuts and the answer is no. People think if it does not physically contain nuts it is safe. Well this could not be further from the truth. If it is processed in a plant that also processes nuts it is not safe, if it contains certain ingredients such as coconut oil it is not safe! You must read and read and read!

So now on to Halloween my number one goal is to always keep my son safe. My second goal is to always let him do as much as he possibly can to be a regular kid. My third goal from now until forever will be to raise awareness about food allergies.

I do not plan to go to any church event or anything like that because it is just too dangerous. If Carson got a hold of the wrong thing he could end up in the ER. He can not even touch something that contains nuts!

I do plan to let him trick or treat a select few people in our family. I even considered having a PEANUT/TREE NUT free Halloween party at our house.

You are punishing your other children you say? well we don't have a dog because Meccia has asthma and it could cause her problems. We don't buy popcorn because Hali can not eat it due to he retainer. This is no different. We all make sacrifices for the ones we love! We are a family and we all want the same thing, for each of us to be happy and healthy! Hali is Carson's number one set of eyes! She will tell you very quick if something is not safe for him. Fortunately Hali has two precious friends with food allergy and she was quite educated on the matter before Carson was ever diagnosed. So there is my answer to that.

This year along with our trick or treat bags for candy we will also carry our trick-or-treat for food allergy education and research boxes. We will be taking donations for FAAN. You can order these boxes and help Carson raise money @ http://www.foodallergy.org/Support/Halloween/index.html You can order up to 5 boxes and have them delivered to your house for no cost! Yes it is free to help raise money to save lives!

I also wanted to list some of the candies I have found so far to be safe!
Tootsie rolls
Tootsie roll pops
Smarties both rolls and pouches
Dum-Dum pops
I would like to promote Dum-Dums they are not only tree nut/peanut free they are also milk,egg,wheat, and gluten free! I think this is awesome!
As I locate more candy that is safe I will be happy to list it!

I also found a really cool website oliverslabels.com that sales nut shaped stickers that say NO NUTS really big on them. These are great for those upcoming family get togethers over the Holidays. To help people to remember the allergy! They are also great for sippy cups your child might take into a church nursery.

Just a note...
I found that rabbit food contains tree nuts. Also that burger kings onion ring batter does too! It is the things you would never imagine that can catch you off guard!

As i research I realize there is no way to over react to this. people don't say well this person has cancer and it might kill them but life goes on. People also should not say well that kid has a food allergy and somethings could kill him but life goes on. He will get older and time will go on. He will reach a point when he is old enough to make his own choices and know what is safe for him. For now I am his mother his protection the only thing that stands between him and a food that he so innocently may pick up that could potentially kill him. I take that responsibility VERY SERIOUSLY! I plan to take every precaution possible to insure my son is safe.

Carson has really not been affected by this at all other than a few minor changes in our pantry. He is doing GREAT!

Love you all,
Cody (Mom of a kid with food allergies)

Does your attitude reflect that of a Christ follower?

2009-09-11T05:21:00.000-07:00

So as most of you know I can be known to have a slight attitude. I have tried as I get older to control myself, but at times it resurfaces when I least expect it to! Well this morning it happened. I am in the drive thru to pick up my AM coffee and a girl about the same age as me breaks in the line. She squeezed her car right in front of mine! I even rolled down my window before she went and politely (well maybe not so politely) told her it was my turn to go! She then proceeded to go in front of me anyway!

So to make her drive thru experience much more fun I decided to lay on my horn for a VERY LONG TIME! While doing this a lady came up and knocked on my window. I rolled it down. She said "are you ok?" I said "Yes I am just trying to make the girl in front of me mad" She said with that Jesus sticker on the back of your van maybe you should have a better attitude! WOW!

Does your attitude match the stickers on the back of your car? Are you sporting the name of Christ on your car only o reflect the attitude of Satan himself? I guess my point is I praise God for that woman who had enough nerve to say that to me! I sure needed to hear it! I guess we all loose it sometimes, but is that an excuse for not always showing the love of Christ.

Worse I was on the phone with a friend and she heard the whole thing! I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF!!!! And all over a spot in line... I mean seriously! SORRY BRITNEY!

Which is better two daddy's or one?

2009-09-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well as most of you know I have a daughter named Hali from my first marriage. Her daddy's name is Chad. Her other daddy's name is Josh. You see Josh and I got married when Hali was just over two years old. Shortly there after we had Meccia. As you all know when you have a new baby you start to say things like "Go to daddy" to your child even though they are really too small to say it. Well Hali picked up on the fact Josh was Meccia's daddy so she started calling Josh daddy too! I think she was so small when we married she doesn't ever remember not having two daddy's.

So with the explanation out of the way now onto the explanation.(HAHA) When Hali went to K4 she started to question why she had two daddy's and some of the other kids in her class did not. We always just gave her this answer "God loved you so much he gave you two daddy's to love you." That worked for Hali and we thought we were in the clear. We also have taught our other children who Chad is and also they as Hali did with Josh have begun to know Chad's mother as Grammy because that is what Hali calls her.

So moving on. Meccia has gotten old enough to realize that Hali gets to leave us every other weekend to go spend time with her other daddy and his family while she gets to stay here. Josh's mom was so kind as to offer to let Meccia spend Friday nights with her on the weekends Hali is gone to help ease some of the confusion and frustration and maybe even a bit of jelousy Meccia was feeling at the time. Well as Josh and I talked about it we realized maybe letting Meccia leave every time Hali did defeated the purpose of Meccia having two married parents. For a while it was like we shared custody with Josh's mom. Knowing she was only trying to help Meccia's feelings! We tried to explain to Meccia one of the benifits of having married parents was you don't have to leave us every other weekend. Even still in Meccia's five year old heart and mind Hali gets to leave for a weekend long sleepover, and sometimes comes home telling Meccia all the fun things she did while she was gone, and Meccia was stuck here with her sibblings and "SAME OLD PARENTS" she has always had! Why don't I get to go mommy?

Now I don't want anyone to think Meccia is not happy with her daddy she loves him. She wants the sleepovers not the spare dad! We have tried many things to comfort her. Dates alone with her dad to help her feel special, play dates to have friends over while Hali is gone. Still allowing her on occassion to go spend the night at Nana & PaPa's who she loves so much, and we will continue to always try our hardest to make Meccia feel she is a VERY SPECAL part of our family.

In the end though it still remains the same. Hali will forever have two daddy's and even a spare whole family, that my other children don't have. There will be many times to come when it will be hard to say good bye to her for a weekend or a while on a Holiday. At some point my other kids are going to realize this is just how our family works and we just have to adjust.

I guess right now I am just praying little Meccia will one day be happy she only has ONE DADDY! Although this is always how life has been she is just getting old enough to realize it, and to try and understand it. I pray that she will find comfort in knowing we love her so and her daddy loves her enough for two daddy's!

This I am sure will be a long road for our family and we always have the intention of being as honest as possible with both of our girls. In doing that we want them to feel loved. I guess every family is different , and we all have our our things we must deal with. For the most part I feel like we are happy and so are our children, but to see one of your children walk out the door and leave you to spend time with another family is hard but it is even harder to see another of your babies cry for her when she is gone!

Work for the Lord or Live for the Lord?

2009-07-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a while since my last post so here is whats on my heart for the moment. Question for us all of us today is "Do you have an intimate relationship with Christ or is it with Church?"

I think at times we think we must do for Christ instead of live for him! Look at your life are you consumed with Christ or with church! Do you wake every morning to get into the word of God to read your bible and get closer in your relationship with him or do you get up every morning to get onto your calendar and plan a church event? Do you ponder constantly about what more you can do, while letting your "Christ like" image slip away in the mist of your event planning?

I had to ask myself this question recently. What is more important my work or my relationship. I also had to pray that God would keep clear my spirit so that I do not confuse my love of ministry work with my love for Christ.

Are you so overwhelmed with Church that you forget it is not Christ. Yes Christ loves the church but without him in your life, without that relationship with him where are we all?

Do we hide our trash or our JUNK as Pastor Chris says by covering it with our work? Do we think the work we do is enough to impress God so much that we think the intimate relationship is not necessary? Do we cover our distant relationship with our work so that others won't know just how far we have slipped away from a true relationship with Christ.

When is that point when you break down and say I am working so much in my ministry that I don't even take the time to have a life outside of it. My marriage is consumed by my ministry, my children are consumed by my ministry, my thoughts are consumed by my ministry.

I heard someone say some times doing good things is not always the best thing? In other words you can do a lot of good things and be a good person, but at what cost are you loosing the best things to do the good things?

I guess we all have moments when we loose sight of what is really important in our life. We sometimes forget that it is not our works that gets us into Heaven, but our salvation. We must remember that God our father is in love with the fact that we love him. That we read our bible and actually live what it says. That we are in love with him not in love with what we do for him.

In saying this I have prayed God give me balance. Give me an open heart to know just what is my relationship with you and just what I maybe mistaking for you but is truley just work. Bring me closer to you, consume me with your GRACE & MERCY!

Keeping my "BLOG MOUTH" shut

2009-03-28T07:39:00.000-07:00

Well I have kept my “Blog Mouth” shut about all of this stuff, but I think I am ready to share my feelings. I have been praying A LOT for god to help me be graceful. Graceful with my actions, with my words, and mostly in the feelings of my heart. Those of you who know me well know I struggle with my words.

So bare with me! Now Tab Lewis told me along time ago, Cody “People will let you down because they are people but God is always God always perfect, and HE will never let you down.” I have tried to remember that as time has gone on. A lot of times we put our faith in a person, or in a church, or in our works. They are all in the end not Christ, and we will be let down I am sure at some point by all of those other things.

I think we put pastors on a pedestal a lot of times almost like they are superhuman perfection. They are not they are just regular folks who screw up and have bad days just like the rest of us. I think sometimes we pour our heart and soul into a ministry or a church and when we leave we feel like we left God at that church or we left our heart and soul behind at a PLACE????? Well your heart may hurt but it dwells inside of you and so does Christ, he is not a place.

For a short while I wanted to run to that PLACE and defend myself shout at people and tell them can you not see what you are doing! Are you blind to all the anointed in your church? Do you know what GREAT GIFTS you are throwing out the door because you are not willing to sit down and work through some problems? You are willing to throw some of the greatest gifts God has blessed the ministry of WAC with under the bus to save face.

I then realized I don’t have to justify my gifts, or my husband’s gifs, or the gifts of others to anyone. God knows the hearts of all, he knows what gifts he has given, and he has a plan for exactly where those gifts will be used. He has a plan and it is not for us to fight and scream at some one.

I think it is for us to all lift one another up during this time of struggle. That is fully what I intend to do! I have been praying for WAC that God would continue to bless people through that ministry. I pray he would change the lives of people like my husbands life was changed while there. I pray he would give us all a clear vision of where he is leading us now, and what he would have us to do. I serve an amazing God.

So I may have left a place but I have not left my God!

I am disappointed, hurt, and heartbroken, but I refuse to be bitter. I will not let the devil steal my Joy. I have praised God from inside the doors of WAC and I will continue to do that outside of them.

I know God has a plan for me and my family. How could one person be so screwed up and be delivered by none less than Christ and his GRACE & HEALING and not continue to be used in some way!

So I end in saying I am happy in a way, happy God is leading us in a new direction. Excited to see where we will be and what we will be doing!

Psalms 3:3-6 says but you are a shield around me o Lord you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep I wake again because the Lord sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.

It also speaks about SELAH which means stop, look, listen
That is our plan….

My heart morns the loss of a place I held so dear to my heart and the relationships I made there, but I am secure in knowing greater things are yet to come!

In Him,
Cody

TINKA SOUL!

2009-03-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

So while downtown last weekend I met a guy by the name of TimTV he is part of a freak show called The Inner Cirkus! Pretty awsome folks! They spend alot of time hulahooping in falls park! REALLY FUN! I have hooped with them and you do find your inner child again somehow while hulahooping as an adult.

Anyways he gave Boo his card so I followed it to his myspace page where I found the following blog. You can tell by the looks of this VERY DIFFERENT 37 year old man, he has a very open mind and an obvious third eye!

HERE'S THE BLOG

Yesterday I wrote a letter to my friend Amelia. As I was writing, this happened and I wrote it as I saw it...
I'm sitting in the lobby area of our public library. It's got softfurniture and tables and wireless internet for people like me who needto send emails to people like you. The ceiling is forever tall andone whole wall is all windows to the sidewalk outside. A little girljust walked by a moment ago. Her walk was not a walk like a regularperson would picture "walking" to be. It was more like a dance. Her spiritinside was dancing so much that it came out through her walk. On herface I could see that she could hear the music of the Universe. Clearas day. Her dad couldn't hear it; he didn't even notice. The manwaiting for the bus couldn't hear it; he was too busy... waiting. Butthat litle girl was like a perfect little kite, effortlessly at onewith the flow of the Way. Isn't it so funny, that what at one time in their lives most peoplehad, they spend the rest of their lives looking for...? And evenfunnier to me; they always look OUTSIDE themselves to find it. Heh.
ai o komete,
me

Anyways I loved this blog because it made me think of my Meccia! She at only five years old much like her parents marches to the beat of a different drummer! She is her own little person who can sometimes be found in her own little world! She is a kind and caring person who is wonderful inside and out! Sometimes in the middle of my stress and crazy day I am running around like a wild person I will find her in a tutu dancing around with not a care in the world. She sings all the time her latest is "life is a highway" LOL Anyways when we named her Meccia Soul we could not have hit the nail any closer her soul flys free. She is the little girl in that library and I hope somehow she can hold onto that free spirit. I would be just as proud of her if she turns out to be a dancer or maybe even a hulahooper as I would if she where a boring doctor or something! I love you Meccia keep listening to the song life sings to you and keep your heart open one day it will take you great places!
Mommy

2009-01-10T18:21:00.001-08:00

ok so here goes i have been having some issues with my weight i was on the depo shot and i take a medication for OCD both make u gain weight on top of that i had two boys 15 months apart but that being said i weigh 20LBS more now than the day i came home from the hospital with East so i must take some responsibility i am frustrated and want to be skinny again like i used to be! i have been on a low cal diet for a week tom/ SUN I have been walking everyday pushing my boys in a double stroller combined wieght is about 90LBS boys + stroller so i give myself a little extra credit for that think it does not make a difference then i challenge you to try it alone and then push my boys alone is much less work i know i have done it! anyways back to walking i reached my 4 mile a day goal today I WAS SO HAPPY! plan is to stick to that 4 miles a day everyday! i have been a little frustrated because dispite all my hard work this week i have yet to loose one single pound! i thought i had then learned my scale was off! i went to the bariatric clinic and i just cant do it i want to do this on my own with out having to take pills i have changed my birth control and i am determined to beat this! i am not going to put my actual weight on here but will post when each ten pounds has been lost i would like to loose 55 LBS! i even thought about putting a sign in my front yard that states how much weight i have lost so when all my neighbors see that crazy girl pushin those poor babies around the block over and over twice a day they will all know why! today i passed some girls i went to high school with in a store i heard them whisper theres cody she has gotten big! i got in my car called josh and just cried josh said cody you have always been fueled by anger you know i am the person if u tell me i cant i will just to prove you wrong so josh said dont let it upset you let it make you mad! so i did and as i was huffin and puffin my way around my block that last mile i heard those whispers in my head and it helped me to press on and keep going! others negativity only makes me stronger! now i am not writing this so a bunch of people can tell me what diet worked for them or even to get kind words i know from having 10LB babies with no medication when it comes down to pushing it out no one can help you it is just you and the strength god gives you! so i dont need your help i know to get this weight off its just me and god unless you wanna push me around the block in a stroller what i would like from those of you who are reading this who really know me pray gods blessing opon this mission i have set out for myself pray god would give me a strength only he can provide pray health into my life and dont stop at just one prayer i will take as many as u all are willing to send up! i am tough i know i can do this!

2008-11-14T17:05:00.000-08:00

So on myspace there is this new thing you can put on your page it is were people can leave comments about what they think of you, but there is no way to tell who left them? I love it and hate it all at the same time! LOL

So that being said today was a really bad day i guess the past few weeks have not been so great! I am really down right now i am in a stage of life where i kinda feel stuck! Although i love my sweet kids so much it is hard to get out alot with four children under the age of eight!! I guess I have kinda forgotten who I am without them! I used to not be a mom! I don't really remember that but there was a time! I had Hali at 18 and by then i was working two jobs, i had not lived at mom and dads for over a year, and i was a loud, blunt, don't take no crap of nobody, do it myself, girl, who needed nothing from no one. I had done it on my own as others looked on just knowing i would fail, i may have slipped at times but i WAS STRONG! I took the world on and did it pretty well!

Now that I have four children life is much different! It is not my world! My world belongs to four other people and I do what they need not what I want! I NEED my husband !!! I could not work those two jobs if my life depended on it I would have to pay daycare for four kids? I don't have any freedom. I long to find myself again!

Life is just not in my control right now and it has really just made me sad, I don't feel so strong anymore! I do long for the days when it was me and my backbone against the world! I have felt weak latley like i am just not able to do anything on my own due to my children or the fact that i have just given up!

Now back to the myspace thing! I went online today to read my truths sent to me by others and saw this.....

I think you are the strongest person I have ever known. There is nothing that you can't do. You have a presence like no other. You demand respect, love willingly, hold no punches, and go get what you want without waiting on help bc you know you could do it better on your own. I have no doubt you can do anything and everything you want to do in life. You scare me because I know that you are not even close to the woman that you will become one day. You are a force to be reckoned with.

WOW!! Oh how i needed that! It really reminded me yes i am a mom and I DO LOVE THAT ABOUT ME, but undernieth the diapers and dishes i am still CODY "a force to be reckoned with" I don't know who left this message and i am sure they could never understand how bad i needed to hear it but boy it was great to hear i huge boost to my soul! A reminder of who i am and what i have always stood for and always will stand for strength of character, and a strong soul a heart that can be broken but pushes on through it all! ME, CODY, A MOM, STILL A STRONG PERSON!

2008-10-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

On Thurs. The 9th of October I sent an email to a friend about how I was questioning weather or not I was called by God to do something? I told him that because of some hard issues that stood in the way or could make it hard for me to answer this call, I was considering just not answering what God was calling me to do. Well actually I said I need to pray about it some more. Now the truth be known I knew my calling, I did not know if I wanted to accept it? So sad I know but it is true.

Now moving on to the next day... I had a few conversations with Josh about this and I had of course been praying about it. To Josh once I realized this was my calling the only other question to ask myself was did I TRUST GOD enough to work out every and any issue that may stand in the way of me completing the task God had called me to do? Despite the fact a week earlier my daughter had fallen ten feet on to her head and God had let her walk away with only a bruise. Despite the many times God had spared my life when I look back and think I didn't desrve to live. I ask myself do I trust him enough, and my HONEST answer was "I don't know?"

Now onto that afternoon... Right before I left to go pick up my girls from school i got an email from Josh's dad this was what I read...

THE BRICK
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down
when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister. please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...' With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother,' he said, 'he rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

I then got my two baby boys in my van and left to pick up my girls and also a friend of Meccia's. I had gotten about three blocks from my house when I was hit by a old lady in a Caddy on my side and also on my 9 month olds door. It all happened so fast I don't even remember the
hit. I remember pausing to go ok am I ok... Yes now my door would not open so I craweled to the back to check on the boys they seemed ok. I went to call someone and I could not find my cell phone (it had been thrown across the car) So I rolled my window down as folks looked at me and kept going I realized no one was going to stop I could not call for help so I thought about what I read before and took the time to pray "oh God please help me I want to call my husband and 911!" I loooked down and there sat my phone, I then looked up and there was a fire fighter he was coming from another call and saw my wreck. WOW as the wreck went on and help arrived including pastor Chuck who just so happened to ride by, Josh, and several others I knew, I was able to breath and go God just threw a Caddy at my van so I would take the time to listen. God wispered to my soul and I was too busy to hear him , I was too busy, too wrapped up in my own life and what I thought I had to get done to say ok God I will make time for you.

How funny God spoke to me through an email? Needless to say all through my life God has shown me time and time again to listen and trust him, but more so than ever latley he has shown me slow down and take time to hear me when I whisper take time to make those moments of silence when you can really hear me clearly. Then when you do understand no matter what you think is going to make what I am asking you to do impossible know I am the ALL MIGHTY, I can part seas and move mountains and your little issues are nothing for me!

I learned alot through this scary event and thought I would pass on my lesson, please I hope I will always remember to listen I do not want God to have to throw another Caddy my way!
Loving my GOD!
Cody

2008-10-04T17:10:00.000-07:00

WOW ever written a blog way back when then went back to read over it and found wow i was speaking truth into my own life! I knew what was going to happen before it happened? I am blown away by my "God I don't wanna" blog right now! I was just going through and reading over it and it just was so true it was not at all where i am but where i said i wanted to go since writing that blog which was actually written on March 3rd 2008 it was transfered from another blog on the date shown anyways it was like reading it was a direct word from god ask and you will recieve i asked for so many things only to recieve just those things it blows me away i thought back then i was asking so much god will never REALLY lead me where i need to go but he took me by the hand god will never answer my prayer to be a WHOLE christian and he took me under his wing and would not let me go, God would never let me do bigger things for the kingdom i am a screw up an idiot who has made more mistakes than God could ever begin to forgive me for! and he said you are forgiven walk this way with me and let me show you the BIG things i would like YOU to do! WOW and when i think i am not strong enough i just look back on my life if God can bring a screw up like me to a place of GRACE like this i owe him my everything my whole self! I am truley amazed by my AWSOME GOD and all he has done for my husband and I. MAN OH MAN!
me

God "I said I don't wanna"

2008-09-13T21:07:00.001-07:00

so tonight at 1:30 am i can not sleep i am so confused! i have had some reservations about god and all that he brings i have often wondered although i have been raised in church is it all really real!
i made a pact with myself a good long while back that i would begin to pray so i did! I actually begain to pray alot in this i realized he is there! he heard all of my prayers and answered some of them how i wanted him to! i have now come so far in my prayerful life that i like to talk to god as if he were sitting next to me! i argue with him when i feel like he is not doing what i want him to i cry to him when there is no one around sometimes i scream to him to help me when i feel like i just can not take it anymore and he hears me i know he does!
i have often taught sunday school, reading bible stories to children the night after i have gone out and gotten drunk with my friends! i used to think it was ok as long as no one knew or you know the old at least i made it here this morning thought. i have been part of the prayer chain i have bought toys for needy kids i have taken food at 6 am on christmas eve to familys in need i have helped with bible school and even scrubbed the church toilets a time or two...
this did not make me a christian this did not make what i do in my private life ok this did not justify the way i live in my day to day life. i can no longer be one person on sunday and another through the week... now dont get me wrong i am not a awful drunk who neglects her children and smokes crack i am just your average i like to go out and kick it in a bar with my friends and get away kind of person a girl who lets a cuss word fly every now and again, and that may be fine for some and it was fine for me, but not now
i feel like i am supposed to do more i am a half christian and that is not at all what god wants me to be i have to be a whole christian and of that i am afraid! i am afraid when people hear i want to make some changes that they will expect me to be perfect pointing out my every mistake as if i am some kinda billboard for the "messed up christian" i do not claim i will ever be perfect but i will try! i will try to be the best christian i can be but that may require some friend changes i may have to remove myself from people who can not accept my change or people who do not want to encourage me because god knows i will need it! i am afraid i will fail i although i know god will always love me i feel like he is calling me to do more what if i don't turn out to be all he thinks i am cracked up to be?
what if he calls me and i just fall over and throw a fit and scream i dont want to like meccia will it help? no i tryed and he still calls me he still speaks to me everyday give me your all your heart and soul and i will open doors for you! i am good with the doors i already have god but he just wont give up! you know you can run but you cant hide from the big man it has taken me 25 years to realize that!
so as for now i am makin changes i am trying to be all i feel god wants me to be a godly mother and wife someone who reflects god in her day to day life and i guess i will see where that takes me but i tell you all as scared as i am i do know it can only take me good places bigger places more peaceful places if i walk beside him everywhere i go i can only move forward!
so if you pray please pray for me please pray god will reveal himself to me please pray he will push me in the direction he wants me to go in ...
thanks and love in christ,
cody

turning a new page

2008-09-13T21:02:00.001-07:00

So I know I have blogged before about this but I wanted to give you all an update!
Josh and I have made some major changes latley! We have decided to just give in and let God guide our lives! The trip so far has not been simple! We know we may have some hard times but if that is what it takes to do what God wants us to do in our lives then that will just have to be how it goes down!
We are both pumped we just want everyone to know how our life has changed for the better! We are leaning on each other more than ever right now and it has only brought us closer! Closer to each other and closer to God! Because our HOPE is always in him! Knowing that he will show us the way, and always be here for both of us!
We know our God is awsome and that he has broken us down and lifted us up to a higher place than we have ever been before!
God has forgiven me for all my sins and my life is much more stable now that I stand on the rock of our God!
Anyways I just wanted you all to know we are still on the road to "WE DON’T KNOW" but on the way we are so so so happy! If you knew Jesus at one point in your life and you have slipped away as we had you should think about getting that straightened out, if you know Jesus then you know the happiness we both feel right now, and if you do not know Jesus and would like to talk to me about getting to know him message me and I will show you how to get to know him!
ALL THE GLORY AND PRAISE BE TO GOD!
Cody

Dear Britney

2008-09-13T21:01:00.001-07:00

Brit I have been speaking to a close friend about the recent things that have gone on in my spirital life. She told me to remind myself of scripture, to really read my bible and let it speak truth into my life! She also recomended that I print out scripture and post it everywhere and I have.
In the office infront of the sink on the wall, and even right in front of the toilet so that everytime I pee I read scripture over and over...
You have always been my sister in Christ when noone else understood that CHURCH OF GOD you did because your mom raised her hands and you knew what it was to shout to the lord and speak in tounges! LOL
I know the scripture that says bring a child up in the way it should go and that child will never depart from it is so true! I have stepped away from God at times in my life but let me tell you he has yet to leave me! I may have headed out in the wrong direction at times but something has always brought me back to the strong Christian mom that raised me to know my Lord and savior Jesus Christ! I am so thankful for that. (NOTE TO PARENTS READING THIS) If you are a christian and do not have your children in church you need to get that in check for the reason you just read!
I tell you God has broken me down and I have cried out to him more recentlly than ever I have fallin on my face and cried for help. HE HAS LIFTED ME UP ANSWERED MY PRAYERS AND LET ME KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT HE HIS HOLY! And just when I think he is not there I fall into a scripture that reasures me he is!
Now on the words thing... So true it is so often that we take out our frustrations on the ones we love because we know they will love us still after the words are said.
I read EPHESIANS 5:33 to remind myself of how I am supposed to feel in my marriage and toward my husband!
"Nevertheless let each one of you in particuar so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband"
I love that!!!!!
It reminds me that we are one, in our marriage, and in Christ.
We are soul mates Britney and I know this from long ago although we do not see each other as much as we would like our souls are still in he same place and it blows my mind how we will be facing similar problems at the same time still today! I want you to know often I have placed all my faith and all my hope in Josh that he would be all I needed him to be that he would be enough to bring me up when I am down, and often he is... BUT he is human and people will let us down, but as you know God will never let us down, our hope and our faith must be in Christ not in people! HE IS ALWAYS ENOUGH!
Much love and I pray God will speak peace into your heart and thoughtfulness into the words that come from your mouth! We all have this problem at times and it is so wonderful that you posted a blog about it you will never know how many of us can relate!
I always think about the song if we are the body why aren’t his arms reaching?? I have heard so many pastors say if you knew the cure for cancer wouldn’t you go around shouting it to the world letting everyone know what it was...
Well we know the cure for lost souls the one and only way to an eternity of happiness JESUS CHRIST why are we so ashamed to shout it out to blog about it to tell everyone we know that we know the answer?? WE SHOULD NOT BE ashamed!
MUCH LOVE,
CODY
Remember this, Words are like seeds what we plant WILL GROW! Do you want them to be strong roots or weeds?Proverbs 31:26"When she speaks her words are wise and kindness is the rule for EVERYTHING she says!"

thanks deanne!

2008-09-13T20:56:00.002-07:00

I am a KEPT woman my friend "D" sent this to me and I thought it was a good read!

You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, but GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)There were times when I thought I could go no longer, but the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)At times, I’ve wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, but the LORD kept my mouth shut. (Psa. 13)Sometimes, I think the money just isn’t enough, but GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc., (Matt. 6:25 -34)
When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up.
When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)I could go on and on and on, but I’m sure you hear me! I’m blessed to be ’kept.’

yep God... He is my hommie!

2008-09-13T20:56:00.001-07:00

So I just wanted to post an update about how my new walk with Christ is going! I realized a few weeks ago that ok Josh is in this 100% and I am not as our pastor talked about his staff! Josh is WAC staff and Chuck spoke about how if you as staff are not in this 100% meaning all WAC is doing right now then you should not be here! WOW I thought as I walked out those doors as a support system to my husband I must be in 100% I have to support Josh and I have to support what I believe in! I do believe in Washington Avenue Church and all they are doing to reach people for Christ! As I walked out those doors and begain my drive home I prayed God help m to jump in 100% today NOW and I think he did! I had almost a sudden peace about all the changes WE have made in our home latley.
I feel strongly God is calling me to childrens ministry but am fighting with myself about it! WAC gives a personality class to help folks find out where there gift is called PLACE! To help you find your PLACE in church I will see what happens after the class and then decide what I should do although I feel God wants me to do it now and I maybe wrong for waiting! We'll see??
Anyways! Meccia prayed and asked God into her heart and I was so proud and excited for her and the decision to do that!
I think the only hard thing about making these changes is to know how FREE I feel to know how Josh and I have been freed from bondage we carried with us anger, distrust, dishonesty, bad parenting skills, sour spirituallity, among many other things how we have both been set free by our Lord, how our life has changed how we now stand firm in our beliefs! how our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, how our children see us walking the walk not only talking the talk! Just how a wieght has been lifted for us as a couple overall by rededicating our lives to Christ! It is hard to feel such joy and still see some of the people in our life still hanging on to worldly things still see them doing things they think make them BIG or COOL as childish as that sounds! I want to grab them and shake them and scream wake up, grow up, cry out to God and ask him to save you from yourself as we have and he will.! I witness to as many of them as I can and I pray for all of them daily but that is all I can do!
It is so hard to step away from what has been the norm in our life for so long so bitter sweet to see the light at the end of what has been a long tunnel but so hard to leave those who will not come with us on the other side if that makes any sense?
I can honestly say I am not perfect but I am better that I have ever been! We had a young couples dinner this past sun night we had a blast being around people who were on the same track as us! Hanging out at church felt much better than in a bar! Drinking Sprite and eating brownies, laughing, and being stupid! The next morning I did not even feel like crap! LOL! You know I thought I would be afraid to tell people look I don't do that anymore but I am not I AM PROUD ! And I think my true friends are proud of me too!
It has been nice to reconnect with my great friend Britney we were both raised in church! she is raising her children to have the same values as Josh and I have are our own children. She and her husband and thier four children have been coming to WAC and I am so happy! I really feel a close connection with Britney that I thought I may have lost forever!
So for tonight!
Thanks God for a prayer I prayed with Miranda, for a Godly husband, for WAC, and for my children, thank you God for Britney, and for all my new friends at church! Thank you for our mentors who have pulled us through this all CHRIS AND TAB, and for the closness you have given my husband and I, thank you for a new baby cuz ZACH and for two new ones on the way! Congrats Kasey and Beth! Thank you for all your many many blessings! Please continue to bless my family and ALL my friends weather they be on a Godly path or not! I throw in a special prayer for Kyli's Mom who I pray for everyday one because I promised her I would and two because she is my friend (5) she told me not so long ago God was working on her and I know tonight he still is. God bring peace to her heart and take hold of her hand lead her to were you want her to be! Show her the peace you have shown me. Dear God Please BEAT DOWN the door to those lost souls hearts out there and show them the love only you can give! For no matter where we are or what we are doing we all are all your children!
In his name I pray
AMEN
I am going to bed!

I thought it was dry skin?

2008-09-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

So I have been dealing with THE FUNK for about two months now! I went to the doctor and they said you have dermititus we will give you some cream and all will be well. I tryed the cream and it hurt so bad to put it on i decided to not use it and let it go! "It will heal on it's own at some point I told myself"
WELL IT DID NOT HEAL! So off to the doctor I went once again. He said you have a fungus?? A fungus! He looks all over me and discovers it is also on my feet! I thought it was dry skin???? Anyways he said it is a foot fungus and it has been going on so long it has traveled and now is on your hand! Meanwhile my feet feel fine my hand is itchy and burning! He puts me on this fungus medication for a month!
Now I can deal with pain i had a ten pound kid with no medication but this stuff hurts. So last night I just finally told Josh i can't deal with this anymore i am in pain anything that touchs my hand hurts i can not take the top off of a sippy cup it hurts i can not wash my hair with that hand because the soap hurts too bad and it is getting worse after a month of meds rather than better so he said call the doctor.
i called him and he saw me this morning after trying everything else he has decided it is an immune disorder it is kind of like my immune system is confused it is attacking sickness in my body but it is also attacking my body it's self the attacks are brought on by stress. it will go away for brief periods of time but never forever, it will be somthing i will have to deal with forever. they have put me on a six day round of high dosage steroids and after that my only sorce of treatment will be UVA light treatments once a week (which i do not have time for but will have to do i guess) and botox treatments in my hands to kill some of the nerves to help with the pain and swelling??
I was in tears by the time i got to my car and josh called to see what the doctor said the first thing i told him was boo it's not going to go away and in the sweetest most soothing voice he said well ok what are we going to have to do to deal with it! i just cried i want it to go away i don't want to deal with it as he told me it would all be ok!
i know its not cancer i will not die from it but i am having a hard time with this. it is hard to type because my fingers are so swollen i can not bend them if i do bend them they will crack open and bleed.
i am writting to ask for your prayer. although to some it may not be a big deal i have never had anything that would not go away i need to function, i need to give my babies a bath without pain, i need to be able to open my own drink? I am just trusting that my God is an awsome god and he knows my need! He knows the desire of my heart to be happy and take care of my babies! I know he hears my prayer and my prayer is God heal me of this !!! Take it away i know he can and that is what i am going to pray for an out pouring of his healing all over my body to take this from me!
Thanks for listening and taking the time to read this i hope you will also keep me in your prayers!
IN HIM
Cody

Beating Chad with a shoe sounds fun!

2008-09-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

I am a mother of a wonderful seven year old daughter! I like to think I have raised her to be strong, well mannered, and insightful! She is all of this and more! I like to think I have always been the perfect mother! Of course I am not! I as all of you have had my moments! But never not for one moment have I not put my daughter first! I found out I was pregnant with Hali when I was seventeen! FEAR is what I felt as I broke the news to my parents! The answer was if you have this baby YOU will take care of her! If I have this baby was never a question I wanted her from day one but boy I had no idea what the next nine months of throwing up in a high school bathroom would bring and oh the comments and the looks not from classmates as much as teachers and my FAMILY! I went on to graduate 5 months early due to homeschool, I walked with my class in graduation as my four month old sat with her grandparents! I have since gone one to greenville tech to recive several certificates in a bunch of random classes that i will never use! LOL I married her dad a few months later because I thought it was the right thing to do and boy was it not! About a year later we were divorced! In that year I had no money, no car, and an abusive husband who emotionally abused me to the point of a nervous breakdown. He broke me down and tore me apart! He was the end of me and the begining of everything I never wanted to be! I remember the day it all ended! He was yelling I was crying and I snapped I had taken about all I caould take and I guess my strength finally came out I thought to myself I am not going to take this anymore as I screamed for him to get out GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT! I harbored hatred and anger for this man that I had never felt for another person! It was over long story short and even harder times came after that three jobs and a baby in a trailer on my own with no one to lean on but my new found friend and old high school sweetheart JOSH! nights were lonley i woke up and had to be at my first job at 7:30 AM and then to the next by 3:30 picked hali up at daycare at 6 then to my moms she went so I could be at the third job from 10 until around 2 how I did it I still have no clue but we made it and I always put her first! We have kind of grown up together! I call her "lil mama" cause she is me in a tiny body!
I think she must be my soul mate! She has loved me through all the things I screwed up doing as a first time mom. She has lived with me through it all! Now I am seeing her get older she is growing up and more and more she understands her situation! I have been as honest as I can be with her telling her her dad and I used to be married but now are not because as much as we loved her we just could not make it work! I have explained to her god loved her so much he chose to give her two dads instead of one like most kids!
Her dad has lied he does the usual i am coming then never shows up all the time, he pulls i was there you must not have seen me more and more as time goes on, and I have covered his lies for years now telling her he must have forgot, he had to work late, i could not get in touch with him.
He is a drunk he is a sorry peice of crap to tell the truth! he does not love her if he did he would not do this crap to her! he is a head who hangs out in bars so much he leaves her drunkin messages on my cell phone! He has been arrested numorous times on several drug charges! He is about as bad as it can get! He lies to her he has no remorse when he knows he has hurt her! It gets worse and worse the older she gets the more she realizes the crap he does to her!
I wish I could tell her he is sorry Hali you dont need him! Just forget about him and be happy you have me and your other daddy! Even if I could say that and i won't it would only hurt her more i have seen him break her heart so much latley that i am having trouble controling myself! I HAVE conducted myself as a christian praying for him and inviting him to church he has even come a few times but i can feel my self control going out the window slowly everytime he hurts her. I know me and i know how i work i am going to snap soon! i am writing this asking with the purist of hearts for your prayer! i dont do well seeing my daughter hurt and i am so angry with him right now! I feel so much hatred towards him i can barley seem to control myself i know it is by the grace of God i have not lost it yet but i can feel it is soon to come! i do not know where he lives at this point so that is a good thing! I don't mean i want to kill him or anything as crazy as that may sound but to key his car or vandalise his appartment door! to spray paint sorry ass father on it would be fun or even the next time i see him to spray him with my mase and then proceed to beat the crap out of him with my shoe would be fun! I just have feelings I should not have towards anyone being the Christain i am so please pray for me as I try to work through my anger!
Please pray even more for hali as she grows to learn who her dad REALLY IS?
Thanks

The heart of the matter is...

2008-09-13T20:50:00.001-07:00

Well as some of you know when eastee was born they found a small VSD (a hole in his heart) of course we were not happy they said usually in a couple of weeks it closes so we went to the cardiologist at 4 weeks old and nope had not closed so today we had to go back for a recheck and guess what no hole no noise nothing !!! HEALTHY HEART 21 pound 6 month old smiling happy and so blessed! Josh and i were soooo happy to hear the news!!
GOD is so gooooooodddddd!!!!!!
love,
Easton's Mommy!!

It is about BLACK folks!

2008-09-13T20:49:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am completely in shock right now! Today I was "in so many words" called a racist by one of my long time friends due to an anti Obama email I sent out. I should have not sent out the email because I did not do my homework and the email that will be at the bottom of this turned out to be an untrue campaign. I have also found out that MLK Jr. was not a republican but his father was.
I was also told I had sent that person a "WHITE POWER" email. I am assuming she is speaking of an email I forwarded that spoke about why we have a black history month but no white history month it also stated we have a black miss universe pageant and no white miss universe pageant. Maybe that email was a little much to send to one of my black friends but yet again it was an email I liked so I forwarded it not only to her but about 20 other people of all colors. I guess I thought maybe my black friends would find these questions valid and maybe even comment on the email?
Now all of that aside this email I received went so far as to tell me this was the end of our friendship.
I guess I am just appalled because I thought I was about as far from racist as a person could get? Maybe I am wrong I am not typing this blog to bash my friend I am typing it to get opinions about it maybe I was wrong I sent the friend an email back with a sincere apology telling her I would never have wanted to hurt her ever.
Maybe I was wrong but I just didn't see anything wrong with forwarding an email? I mean do I as a white person have to keep all my opinions to myself to be friends with black folks? It seems that if you are not an obama supporter then you are racist? I mean if someone is my friend it should be because they like me not because they want me to be them. I am not black I never will be I do not act like I am black like some white people I do not have biracial children, I am married to a white guy, and so all that makes me racist I guess??
If I were me or a black person I would want my friends to be themselves all the time I would not want them to be fake and keep opinions to themselves because of me I want my friends to be real.
So now to be real I believe in what I think is right and one of those things is the bible and the bible says Jesus loved all the little children all the children of the world red and yellow black and white I want to be like him and I am I love everyone. I have no hatred in my heart for anyone of any color. I think it is sad that after all our parents went through to change this for us we are still fighting battles such as these!
I should not have to prove my friendship to one of my friends by thinking all of the same things they do. I should be able to be me all the time and that is what I am I could go on and on about the BLACK people in my life that I love and interact with on the daily but I do not need to list the BLACK friendships I have to anyone I am ok with me and that is what matters.
Maybe I should not forward emails about racial issues to anyone but white folks to keep from upsetting sensitive people but that just aint me so take me or leave me this is still me!
PS can we as a nation please remember OBAMA IS NOT BLACK he is BIRACIAL HALF WHITE just as white as he is black!!!!!!!!
I am really looking for honest comments I hope this blog does not get blown out of proportion like my email did… this is the email I sent…
HELP RAIN ON OBAMA'S PARADE! This is a campaign like no other. With your help, we will put up 50 - that's right - 50 "Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Republican" billboards all over the City of Denver, while the Democratic Party is having their national convention there. What a way to upset the "coronation" of the Democratic Party's "messianic" presidential nominee, Sen. Barack Obama. Arrogant is the word for Obama, a far left-winger, who is attempting to assume the mantle of Dr. King by giving his political acceptance speech on the anniversary of Dr. King's "I Have a Dream" inspirational civil rights speech. History shows that Dr. King was a minister who embraced the traditional values that made our country great. Obama has the most liberal voting record in the US Senate. Obama is no MLK. Join the fun. Donate now to our Denver billboard campaign and help make history. No amount is too small. Click here to donate to the NBRA's Denver billboard campaign.

I can not understand why I lost a friend I really thought was a good person over this? Would she rather I pretend I love Obama and Pretend I think it is right that there is no WHITE MISS USA?

Love to all and I do mean all,
Cody

I am moving my blog

2008-09-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

So I have always blogged on myspace but because everyone does not have access to my blog on there I have chosen to move it here! So I do not loose any of my old blogs I am going to attempt to transfer them onto this blog page! Now before you begin to read understand these are my feelings. You may not agree with them all but they are mine and not yours so I guess my point is if ya don't like what you read then just don't read it again!